I hate being trans

I can't have ANYTHING

i can't live as a normal teenage guy or as a normal teenage girl

I try to live as a normal teenage guy, because that is what i am, that is what i really want to be, trying to be a normal guy is the only way i don't betray myself

But it's so hard

My body looks like a woman, My voice sounds like a girl, My body changes everyday to make me look more like The woman The biology decided that i was goin to be, i bleed like a woman and i cry like one, i'm not strong

People treat me like a woman, in all The posible ways, that means that i get used like one by Bad people irl or in internet since i remember that something was wrong w me at The age of 10 and i get to The conclusion that the only way to convice Myself that i was a woman was exposing myself on internet.

Guys don't like me, specially cis guys, they see me as a joke, as a idiot, a woke shit, i can't be between them (for that reason and because i'm terryfied of cis guys irl because i Guess that being exposed on internet to a Lot of them have it's effects 5 years later), so need to be w The girls

They are cool, intelligent, confident, pretty, everything i wish i could be, just one of them, a normal one of them, i wish i could follow the destiny of The biology, but there is something that doesnt let me do it

But i don't feel completely secure between them because, OH OUUU, i was harassed (she touched me near of my private parts, under The school tables so nobody would notice, i was manipulated and Kissed without My concent, but it seemed that i agreed w that because i "Kissed" her, but it was after months of manipulations and inapropiate touching without My concent too, and more things) by one two years ago and none of The womens helped me when i was there, and now, in another school there is another girl that makes sometimes, weird comments about me 

It's hard

 to accept that u are nothing more than a fetish to The rest of The world and The only people that can "love" u is because u are their fetish.

Another thing is that i can't be Myself freely, i hate being gay AND trans, i think i don't need to explain why this is Bad rigth?

And i can't be Myself because ANY ANY thing that shows a little bit of feminity on The way i act, PEOPLE START THINKING THAT I AM NOT BEING SERIOUS ABOUT BEING TRANS, AND THAT IS JUST A PHASE, SAME W BEING GAY 😭😭😭😭

I just want to live free, i just want to be a man, so i could be handsome, secure of myself, i could be happy and people would love me as the man i am, not like a weird fat girl that likes wearing oversized clothes

And i could like The color pink freely, but i don't care a Lot about it because i still using pink because it's cool af, but i feel kinda bad wearing it or showing My room because it's so pink

I'm going to rip off my tits, eat em and trow up everythig on My classmates faces to show them all that i'm as real as them