I choose to stay.

About a month or 2 back I posted either a bulletin or a blog about how I was at a major impasse in life

The issue I was having is come December this year for reasons Im not getting into I have to decide whether to move me, my younger brother, and my mom to her home country in latam which I've never been to, or try and stick it out here in the U.S.

I don't wanna get into the weeds of it too much here but to boil it down I feel a responsibility to look after my 2 year old brother as I feel he was dealt a difficult hand in life without any male role models to have his best interest in mind. To that end I've I guess had to expedite becoming an adult, I got us a townhouse, I'm trying to learn to take care of said house, the car, cook, clean, etc while managing my sometimes difficult family dynamic. 

And as a result of that I've decided to stay. I'm gonna get a job to help pay rent and I want my brother to grow up here where he was born and I'm willing to do whatever I need to for that to happen. To me leaving the U.S at this point would feel like giving up and I feel like I've already been through too much to do that to myself and my brother.

I know that sounds really heavy but my life isnt always that bad, I go to therapy and started this group therapy type thing a few weeks back with people I like, I have okay irl friends and just recently moved into a great area. I like it here I'm gonna try to get a job in the area, get a gym subscription, maybe meet new people, feels like a fresh start for me to enjoy life. 

I try to remind myself life isn't about the struggle but to enjoy what struggling gets you yk?