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In something like our mothers we grew
'til red was again the color of the water
and pain wasn’t something either of us could point to
because it was what was
And morning came
not knowing if it would come again
And love was the only thing assumed
And “love should have been enough”
someone without a heart might say
The day you died because you wanted to
I tied my wisdom tooth to a doorknob and pulled it loose
Take everything I think I know
Every answer is a grave
Now the questions are the rain I walk through
to find my way to god
And my only god is faith
that there is comfort here
that who is hurting might hurt less than they did before
What else are all these coins and all these wells for
if not to wish the grief asleep in the lap of someone’s else’s grief
’til grief comes
not knowing if it will come again
Your sister thought the hearse was a limousine
'til she asked where it was going
and then she knew for sure
That’s what a word like heaven will do
But heaven, that wasn’t what you were aiming for
You didn’t think the other side would be better
You thought the other side would be nothing at all
Imagine choosing nothing at all
Imagine something hurting that bad
I didn’t still have the ring you’d given me
I'd crushed it with a rock to see how much you loved me
I love you to pieces too
It hurts me in my head now
how you knew the water wasn’t deep enough to dive into
But I won’t let anyone say it was a shallow thing you did
I knew it was your entire body finally pointing, saying,
"Here, here is where the pain is"
I can crush a can with the heel of my shoe
I can drive by your mother’s house if I want to, but I don’t want to
She was there when you bought the ring
She knew how long you’d been saving
Me– I didn’t save anything
But you don’t lose a person like a set of keys
'cause you don’t find them again
and you can still get to where you’re going
Resilience itself is an awful thing to grieve
Who with heart can stomach how much we can stomach?
All your blood in the water and I could still wade through
And I will again
And I will again
And I will again with everyone I loose
So what I want most
what I want most
is to live the rest of my life
desperately wanting to live it
I want to give that to you
I want it to find you in the nothing at all
And I want to be something
When I say, “I want to make something of my life”
That’s what I mean
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