my month

these past few days i’ve been feeling so exhausted and bored after school.. tbh i want online friends. like, i already have friends irl, but i want internet ones. don't get me wrong, i get along with my classmates and teachers, but sometimes it feels like something is missing.. and it’s not the friends, i just want to talk about what’s on my mind, and it’s honestly easier to do that with someone i don't know. i’m terrified of being judged by people who actually know me, so i don't really trust them..

anyway, these past few weeks have been.. weird. i've been fighting with my brother non-stop. basically, he’s a sexist pig who won't move his lazy ass because he thinks he’s above all women, including me and my mom.. literally everyone. and i’m not even surprised, the other day he was screaming at me, calling me a slut just for wearing a slightly cropped top. he’s always complaining about how i dress to go out, even when it’s suffocatingly hot outside...

on top of that, my best friend’s mom just passed away. i honestly don't know how to help him and his birthday is coming up soon. i have zero money for a gift, so i’m gonna try to make something handmade for him.

i also started vaping behind my mom’s back. but the flavor is getting boring, and honestly, i got so used to it that i can’t even taste it anymore. i’m trying to get a new flavor through a friend, she told me her uncle sells them so she’s gonna try to get one from him...

about school, i can’t complain, i actually like going and having fun.. except for the mornings. there’s always drama in the morning and i hate waking up early.. but who actually likes waking up early anyway? i wouldn’t mind it if i could just go out for a walk without freezing... and if i had headphones for my walkman.. but the thing is, i get home so tired after classes, and i literally do nothing. i even sleep at school—the other day i slept through an entire class and recess, so idk why i’m so tired all day.. well, besides skipping lunch and sleeping like 4-5 hours.

if i had to describe my days.. weekdays at school are like a piece of shit, but a good piece of shit lol. when i’m at home.. meh, not so good. this week i’ve been ignoring my brother the whole time. we had a huge fight and i can’t even call him a son of a bitch because that’s my mom too, and i love her so much.