party!

i said id update abt the party i went to, it was pretty chill tbh. i got mega drunk tho. we all just sat listening to music, drinking, smoking and showing off our cameras. 

also i dont remember much because i was blackout drunk - its super weird being an ex alcoholic because when im blackout drunk im completely fine at managing myself because im so used to being drunk but i still wont remember anything the day afterwards???? 

also i tried a blunt for the first time. it was okay. tobacco fucks up my lungs usually tho :(

im also maybe allergic to tobacco so idk

oh also life update im lowkey failing uni because i have difficulty focusing if its not something im interested in, but i have found my niche in games design - which is 3d modelling, as well as world building and character design (those being the only 2 modules ive actually passed this year) so im probably gonna drop out and do a different course in 3d modelling specifically :) 

Also mini rant: i NEEEEED a job bro its so depressing having no money 24/7 and its so hard to get a job where i am :(. i cant go out anywhere cuz i have no money, i cant pick up any hobbies cuz i have no money, cant go out with friends cuz i have no money for travel or food or basically anything and i have to beg my family for change to buy sanitary products! its actually probably why my mental health took a swan dive recently - i cant go out and do anything or eat anything that isnt frozen chicken (its literally all i have) so i just stay cooped up in my room doomscrolling or playing the same 10 roblox games cuz i have no money to buy anything else to play!! ARGH!! 

now cuz im feeling depressed im self sabotaging myself and distancing myself from my friends :((( i need to actually get my shit together. MY FRIENDS LOVE ME!!! MY FRIENDS DO THINK OF ME OCCASIONALLY!! I DO IMPACT PEOPLES LIVES DAMMIT!

if any of my friends r seeing this please text me i beg 😭😭😭 

anyhow, it's ok, ITLL GET BETTER EVENTUALLY!!! I JUST GOTTA POWER THROUGH IT!!