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I am writing this blog because I recently had a thought about ending everything.ย
I am miserable. I have no friends irl. I donโt go out. I am always in my room. I feel ashamed for the way I look. I try to love myself, it doesnโt work. Some days I feel so mentally drained that I skip breakfast, lunch and dinner, donโt even shower. Just lay in bed and scroll through my phone. Before, I would get sudden urges to fix my schedule, go to the gym, go on a diet (even at 3 am) but now that urge is gone too, along with my motivation. I constantly feel like a loser. I tell myself that things wonโt be the same, that things will change, good times or bad times- neither one lasts. But this bad time of mine has been lasting for 5 years. I am constantly trying to make things better, not allowing myself to live in the moment. I tell myself to last a little longer so I can enjoy my time fully as a happy person, once I have unlocked the best version of myself. But that has left me with nothing but sadness. I now feel guilty of being happy as I have not reached my goals yet.ย
I literally cried myself to sleep because of loneliness and mental exhaustion last night. Thatโs when the thought came to my mind. What if I just ended it all? It would be so much easier than the pain I am feeling currently. I have felt this pain for a long time and no one around me has a clue. Itโs so sad and heartbreaking when I scroll through my phone watching reels on insta and I donโt have anyone to share them with. I am not saying that having a bunch of friends will fix my life but I just want someone to listen to me and be with me during my tough times.ย
I know I wonโt actually do something but I am mentally dead now. I am losing all hope. I donโt even know why I am writing this blog lol. I, myself, try to avoid depressing blogs like this when I am in my happy place which is very rare nowadays. I guess I wrote this to put my feelings into words.ย
Anyway, if you read it, thank you. Have a nice day.ย
Comments
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Haneul
Aawhhh, I'm so sorry for you... But no, don't think about that because one day it might actually happen, and we don't want that. It's also a good thing you wrote this blog because it might help you get a bit of the load off your shoulders and let those bad feelings out... i know it must be hard, but try to force yourself to sit with your family or classmates...maybe you'll feel happy with them, maybe they'll make you laugh. And again, writing your feelings out is very helpful, so never stop doing it because you might find someone who really understands you. Also, try talking to a therapist or someone professional who can actually help you out... Stay safe and healthy, dear. And if you want to talk with someone, I'm always here for you. Take care of yourself :3
Kool-Aid Spoon
Although it feels awful, speaking from experience, it gets better. The best decision I've ever made was to keep living. I'm not saying it'll be easy, but it will be worth it. You are worth it. I hope you have a great day, reach out to me if you'd like. I'll listen :)
catduck
Although you may feel ashamed for the way you live you should realise that there are far stupider people than yourself. There are people who abuse drugs. People who commit crimes and go to jail. People who gamble all their money away over and over again. Although your circumstances may seem bleak they are far from unrecoverable. You are not a failure. A failure would make life ruining decisions that are far worse than what you do. A failure would have no ounce of a want to improve. Although you may not be where you want you can accomplish dream, one step at a time. You seem like a very kind soul and I hope all gets better. And I presume you are quite young also -as I doubt there are many people above the age of 40 on this site- so you have your whole life ahead of you. My therapist told me something recently that stuck with me that is life isn't a race. Things will get better dude they will. I hope you feel better soon.
Also I would recommend getting a professional therapist or counselor or something like that if possible. They can really help with stuff like this.
by catduck; ; Report
xXTheFallenPrinceXx
I'm sorry to hear of what you've gone through, but I think it's best to seek professional help for your condition or just talk it out to someone you trust. If that's not possible just try to have a conversation with chatgpt, it will certainly not judge you. I talk to chatgpt abt my problems almost everyday. The point is, you shouldn't carry this all by yourself
B_Na
I'm sorry for the situation youโre in :(
If it helps I read it all hoping for u to recover.