How life is going! (Beginning of 2026)

This blog will talk about how both my mental and physical health is doing. 

(SPOILER: It's bad.)

PHYSICAL:

So, for some context, I have to go to my doctor every 3 months for a check-up on my physical and mental health. I went there 4 days ago and I already got my results on how my physical health is doing and... It's the same shit. My sugar, cholesterol, and triglycerides are all high. 

They have been high ever since I was 9. FUCKING 9 YEARS OLD. I have told this to my friends and they said it wasn't normal that I had them high that young. They all think it's a genetical/biological problem. 

And YES! I do eat good! Actually, I have been eating less so HOW THE FUCK IS STILL HIGH?? 

(An example of what I eat everyday could be this:

At 11-12am I'll eat breakfast, which usually is whole grain bread with avocado and scrambled eggs. Around 5-6pm I'll eat lunch, which usually is soup with A LOT of vegetables accompanied by some other meal (could be rice with chicken and cooked plantain). SOMETIMES after lunch I may snack on ice cream (usually raspberry/mango) and around 9-10pm I may snack on a cracker/plantain chips/fruit or actually have a meal and eat some cereal (ALSO WITH SOME FRUIT) I dont even eat dinner most of the time SO WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?? (Also, after lunch and breakfast I would drink some fruta licuada)

It MAYBE could be the snacking around 9-10pm but like... I'm not eating chocolate or any junk food??? it's actually pretty healthy!!)

My doctor did tell me to workout as to burn calories, and I do need to do that. But it just seems so weird to me that EVERYTHING is high despite me having a healthy/balanced diet?? Also, I walk in circles A LOT so that should burn calories right...?

MENTAL:

I recently had the thought of me having SAD, which would explain why my blood pressure always resulted high when I was on doctor visits. Every time my mom takes my blood pressure at home, it's normal asf. I told this to the doctor (And how I have panic/anxiety attacks at school often.) and she told my mom to take my blood pressure at home for a week. Just an hour ago she took it and it was normal. 

I swear if in the diagnosis it says I don't have SAD then I don't know what the FUCK I have.

I also opened up to my doctor 9 months ago about me having suicidal thoughts, so she asked me how I have been mentally. I told them that I would feel bad for a short period of time almost every day and that I would get serious suicidal thoughts like once a month. They finally recommended me a psychiatrist and currently my mom is trying to look for one. I am pretty excited to get better and have person that I can be honest to! 

I would say my mental health isn't that bad but either that good. But hey! Atleast it isnt bad bad BAD. 

(TW: VENT

I told my friend something that happened to me in school that made me have an anxiety attack and she told me that she thinks I might have SAD due to how intense I described everything. That was the moment where I thought... huh... I may have it! Thanks to her my doctor is trying to diagnose me. 

However, I do wanna talk about what happened that made me have an anxiety attack (an aggresive one) in school. 

Sooo... what happened is that I wanted to give this tiny lil gift to my friend, so I asked my teacher if I could go to the classroom of my friend. My teacher said yeah and so I went. My friend's classroom is literally a NEXT to my classroom, so I knew it was going to take 10 seconds or less! I walked inside and I didnt even say nothing to my friend and just placed the gift on their desk (it was a bag pin made out off cardboard) I turned around and thought "yes! I gave them the gift and now I am free to go to my classroom without ANYONE disturbing me or--"

BOOM. I was fucking wrong.

Her teacher stopped me and scolded me for not asking permission to enter her classroom and forced me to walk inside the classroom and ask to enter instead of just barging in. When she asked me why I entered like that my body literally went cold, my vision started to get blurry, and I felt a knot on my throat. Also, when I was telling my friend about this, my memory was ALSO blurry and I couldnt even remember what she exactly said because I was just so overwhelmed. I felt like I was going to faint. When I went to my classroom I literally had to hold back tears.

Maybe I'm being dramatic but when I said I had an anxiety attack, I was not lying. I genuinely hate how sensitive I am and how easily I can get these fuckass attacks) 

And yeah! This is the end of the blog! see ya! :)

UPDATE: 

My doctor told me I have pre-diabetes. What the fuck?