idk

sooo I've been offline for like 6 months, I was really focused at academic life, and like two or three weeks ago we finally finished.

omfg im so tired, I started summer with no fucking friends, (I only have two online friends), but yeah.

I feel so fucking lonely and im struggling with my fucking mental health.

My family doesn't make it better btw, let me tell u this shit...

I was showering today and when I finished I started feeling so bad, my vision blurred so much to the point I started seeing fucking black, so yeah, I felt really dizzy and as if I was about to faint.

I started calling my sister for her to come, I was really fucking about to faint, she came running and rushed me to lay down in the sofa, I told her to call my mother.

WORST FUCKING IDEA EVER

she got up from ¨sleeping¨ (she was watching her phone), shouting at me, as if I was not her fucking daughter who is about to faint.

So yeah, as she was screaming at me for ¨waking her up¨ she told me that it was my fault, I never fucking let her sleep, and that she got up for no reason at all. 

I screamed back at her ¨well if it also happened to you, even if I was in the middle of an exam, I would get out of there and start running to help you.¨ 

guess what, she just screamed at me back as if I was going to get scared.

she started to ¨help¨ me get dressed, but yeah, I just told her ¨leave me the fuck alone, if you really was a mother you would be worried and wouldn't scream at me¨

and then she started lying about how we always prank her with me fainting, mind you, I've never pranked her with this things, and every time I tell her that I feel like im going to faint, its real, im anemic so she should know that im not joking.

leaving that aside.

even tho I have two online friends, one can't talk to me because she is at her aunts house, where she doesn't have wifi nor data (idk what its called)

and its okay, that not her problem.

my other online friend, yeah he's there but he mostly late replies (god knows why ig)

so yeah, im alone as fuck, no friends, nothing.

my family just keeps on yelling everyday, every time, disscusing.

maybe in another life I wouldn't wish for another life.

I feel so fucking miserable and useless, I have no one to vent to so I always keep things for myself.

so yeah, sorry if I made you read this, I would type even more shit but I just don't wanna waste your time.

so if you're even reading this im open in making new friends ig :)