having a disabled mom

my mom is disabled. but its baddddd. im really really sad because every day i have to sit here and listen to her cry and moan in pain at small movements. i hate having to see her in pain trying to walk from her bed to her bathroom thats IN HER OWN ROOM! its not good and its not healthy. shes a huge conspiracy theorist so then ontop of all that when she goes to the doctor she doesnt do or take anything they tell her to take or give her!!!!!!!!! it makes me so sad im sitting here watching her search for holistic herbal treatments instead of what the professionals are giving her!! its too hard to find relief in natural spaces for everything she has going on. shes overweight so she cant loose weight and the weight is putting extra strain on her bones and muscles. all she can do all day is lay down so shes not in horrible pain and even then laying down wont help her and shes still in pain. on the days where she can muster up enough strength and courage to go out with me it never ever ends up well and she always ends up back in the bed hurt for weeks on end. Whenever she comes downstairs to cook food or help me clean up it always ends up with her just sitting back down in the chair because she's in too much pain and can't walk around. I wish for her to be better I don't like having a disabled mom because I don't like having to sit here and watch her suffer every single day. I hate knowing that the favors that she has to ask me to do is because she literally has to ask me to do them and she can't do them herself on certain days. She's also physically abusive so on the times where she beats my ass i hate it because the very next day she's stuck in bed extremely hurt because of her own Reckless decisions to beat me. I just need somewhere to talk about this because i can't handle that's another day i really really hate having to look at this situation Because It just really hurts me I love my mom's so so much even though She abuses me And that's why this hurts so much I feel like I shouldn't love her this much and I feel like I shouldn't care this much about her because Of all the times she's hurt me And said terrible things to me But I can't help it because this is my mom.