Wisdom of Understanding Narcissism

If you don’t know what narcissism is, it can be explained in a nutshell with two words: emotional manipulation. And a lot of times, especially if you’re close with a narcissist, it can feel like you’re trapped with no way out. But understanding how a narcissist thinks can clue you in on ways to better deal with them.

Let’s start with some basic common factors that make up a narcissist:

-They love making themselves the victim, or center of attention. In giving them the reaction they crave, it only compels them to continue,

-Blame shifting is a huge one to look out for. Often times, when the argument is about how the narcissist hurt you, you end up apologizing.

-They use manipulation and words to hurt you, or the movement of their body to scare you, but usually it never goes further than that.

-They often appear nice in public as a way to pull others in. Using their charm to gain “friends.” Their ego is their top priority. But behind closed doors, they’re a completely different person. (Often in relationships, will use lovebombing)

The trickiest one, is The Covert Narcissist:

They take their traits to the next level, by not only concealing their tactics from others. But even BEHIND closed doors. Unlike your standard narcissist, the covert narcissist never takes their mask off. They could act like a completely different person every day. And yet their charm makes them out to be the “perfect” person to everyone they meet. It can take a lot to realize if that’s what you’re dealing with because they hide it so well.

So how do you combat a narcissist then? Well, here’s what I’ve learned:

-“Stonewalling” is probably the most widely used defense against a narcissist. Stonewalling, essentially, means NOT reacting. (Like a wall) Because they want a reaction out of you, you don’t give them what they want. Eventually, they’ll get bored and move on from the argument. It’s not foolproof, but it’s one of the greatest power tools you can use.

-Another method, is playing along with their game. It almost sounds counter productive, but they crave a good argument. And until you’re able to escape your situation, sometimes it’s best to play it safe and avoid conflicts. Just observe their actions. But you have to be careful if your mindset with this one. It’s easy to let yourself get pushed around. So just be sure you’re aware of why you’re doing what you’re doing.

-Lastly, sometimes you have to think of them as a little kid. A lot of the time, grown adults, especially narcissists, will act like children. For whatever reason, attention seeking, whatever it may be. So, simply remembering and keeping in that mindset that it isn’t your fault, will greatly help you on your way.

Remember, if you need help, don’t hesitate to ask others for it. Nine times out of ten, someone will be willing. Unfortunately, trying to explain can sometimes make you feel like you’re going crazy. It’s a situation that typically a person has to live through to understand. But you aren’t alone and help us out there. Make sure to do your own research as well. There are a lot of helpful resources out there for this topic. Stay safe everyone!

-Alivia