Healing is crazy: A Reflection (•　ω　•)

 Yea I just made an entry b4 this but writing is fun as is healing. I'm sure if a version of myself from just last year saw me now they'd be astounded, not because it's a major difference but because it's more of a difference than I thought it'd be. In between my periods of depression I fell back on a lot of unhealthy habits and treated myself with more disrespect than I give to even the people I hate. I still don't really love myself the way I should but I'm getting somewhere and that knowledge alone helps. 

I've realized things about myself and done things I thought to be only to be wishful fantasy. I'm still a loser and a nerd and a shut-in but I've learned to accept those things and accept they aren't negative things unless I make them negative (aside from maybe being a shut in but I'm getting better at going out. 

Sure I still jump at any opportunity to overconsume caffeine, and I smoke more pot now than I think I ever have but I'm learning and by getting rid of habits born out of the desire just to hurt myself these really are the lesser of many evils. The pot helps my paranoia and anxiety, its a medicine. Can't say the caffeine works the same but I'm hoping to teach myself to consume less. I taught myself to break worse habits, even if they haunt me I'm still in better shape than I have been in ages.

For once I'm genuinely eating my fill, doing what I love, embracing the parts of me that are weird. In my healing I realized I wanted to try being a kemonomimi and it made me realize I was a therian and I'm insanely happy with the way it makes me feel. In my learning to socialize and love again from a new perspective I realized my aversion and lack of intimacy came from being on the aroace spectrum. (Demisexual and demiromantic) Things I'd only entertained as speculation prior to now. Yet having such seemingly simple, such seemingly unless info, makes me so insanely happy.

Simply living a fun and joyful life is what I need to heal, even if really I should've healed first before being able to feel that indescribable kind of joy I hold in my heart now. I'm grateful to the people around me, cause if it wasnt for them, their help, their enlightenment I'd no doubt still be spending my free time plotting all the ways i could disappear into the night. 

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⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠙⠚⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀- Fae/Starry-demolition X3⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀