My heart has a bite mark

Why does it hurt so much to have loved?, i'm convinced that nostalgia it's the feeling that breaks my heart the most, i feel so desperate about the fact that i don't understand what i feel, i just know that it hurts, i feel so repressed, even when i'm alone i don't allow myself to really feel because i'm wrong, and i hate people so much, but hate comes from love, you feel like you are fine and then you remember something because of a word, a song, something triggers you and you lose every piece of yourself again, and again and again and then you keep reminding yourself that you shouldn't miss it, that you are not there because you got hurt, or even because you we're the one hurting them, but you can't help the feeling, you can't escape from the pile of memories you are, you can't trick your brain into thinking that you don't feel love anymore, it's difficult the fact that you have to be away from some people because you love them and they hurt you, especially when they were your best friend.

I know that it feels terrible when you only wanted to be fine and only my bedroom knows how much ive tried but Michelle can't stop being mine now, and i dont want her because she was never mine, you remember yourself and how you we're theirs, in every laugh, every smile, every tear, wasnt yours, they were theirs and then you are all alone and you don't know who to blame, because you were warned about getting hurt but never about missing the pain, and i'm not saying that i actually miss myself or someone, it just means that only because the bad things we're stronger it doesn't mean the good ones vanished. and then you feel the need to express that feeling but you feel like you are going to be judged or misunderstood because how do you explain to the people that is there for you that you sometime miss the time when you didnt feel cared about, but you don't actually miss it and you would rather die than get back to your younger self, isnt that just ridiculous?.

people come and go all the time and your heart it's going to fill from a lot of someones that you used to know, there is always room i'm my heart for the people that hurt me because even tho something happend they were the ones who made who i am now, and that doesn't mean i'm theirs. allow yourself to feel even tho you don't understand your feelings, people may be mad at you for feeling but never stop doing it, if you don't free yourself you would end up being in more pain than if you do.

people will eat you and feed you with themselves, you are going to eat their lungs, their bones, even their hearts, and when theres nothing left you may be full but that doesn't necessarily mean you will not be hungry again, people will hurt you all the time and they might take your skin, you have to remember it because you might be concentrating only on the scar.

im so scared of death, can't imagine how easy it would be to not be here anymore but i'm so intrigued on how i will end up if i just keep feeling.

anyway, i made a playlist of músic that i used to listen to when i didnt feel like i was worth a flower, you might want to check it out or my other playlists aswell.

heres the link: My playlistt

if you ever feel like you can't defeat nostalgia try to flow in it, do whatever makes you feel better, and if someone gets mad at you always remember that you have to put yourself first sometimes, i always wanted to be the type of girl you write songs about, then i realized you don't have to do much for it apparently, i never understood that i actually wanted to be the one writing the song, and since then i write for myself, but that doesn't mean the song will ever be off your head.