i don’t think i’m built for love

there’s this girl that used to my moot on every single platform and for the LONGEST time i had like a crush on her, but never said anything or even spoke to her because i was so afraid.

she seemed so cool and i was just… there?

but one day i had the chance to reply to her story and we actually got to talking, we fell into it fast and before i knew i dreamed about her and told her “i love you” before going to sleep.

i don’t think i’ve ever said that so fast to anybody.

but i do have a problem, not only an attachment one, but a “understanding signals” one. so i talked about everything with my friend, that i wasn’t sure if i was taking this the right way, and she told me to just ask. so i did.

i asked if she meant everything romantically to not, and well she said that yes - romantically. so amazing, right?

i thought so, but then she kinds distanced herself in a way, idk how to explain this. it was extremely frustrating because she wouldn’t even really communicate. i checked her reposts more often and all she reposted was about a “boy” or once about “a girl that only sees her as a good friend” ????????what?! im confused!

so i kinda tried talking to her (not about that) just generally but it felt like talking to a wall. once she texted me that “she’s tired of everyone’s shit and that she’ll text me later” i was confused but replied okay love u take care. cuz what was i supposed to say.

needless to say, she did not text me later. i waited 2 days and got so upset that i even texted her “i miss u” but got left on seen. amazing.

so i did what hani does, i blocked her.

everywhere i remembered… but i forgot one app

and imagine my face when i suddenly get a snap and a text from her randomly. i was PETRIFIED. it kinda pmo cuz she sent like streak and “ouuu shi why did u block dm”.

i told her why, and her reasoning for that was “im extremely gay (to the boy reposts comment) and that i was weird for reposting joke tiktoks about cracking my hg” ……..which she could’ve just said she found it weird and there would be no problem. which she said herself afterwards.

she told me that she wants to leave it as it is, no beef. so what i took it as was “i just don’t want to talk to u” which i don’t know, have i misunderstood?

so i told her like oh okay, i’ll miss u. i think that’s valid?

and then she sends me a voice message saying “you know u could just unblock me?”. I DONT UNDERSTAND??? like i did but what does it truly change?

i asked that, but guess what, delivered! since yesterday!

i actually checked her tt stories and she was making fun of me (joking or flirting just with her friend, which i’ve never seen her do on a public tiktok story. please.)

im confused as hell and pissed off.

i sent her a tiktok cuz the pressure was making my head dizzy and she just hearted it. nothing else.

did i misunderstand her or is she hard to understand