Summary:
I will be giving my opinion on certain subjects. This is not like my usual blogs, nor will it have the same tone as they
usually do. But why? Well it's something different than simple, small
tutorials, it's a few issues I've seen being talked about but in a way that
has always been unsatisfactory to me. I'll try to be as honest as I can get. My goal is not to offend people, nor to create engagement bait. To be quite honest I want to talk and share opinions with you. I'll be briefly (if I were to analyze said issues this blog would be the equivalent of a 60 page document) discussing the subject of alternative sense of self, the incessant use of labels and the harmful aspects of the human performative nature. As well as the complex and overwhelming journey of self discovery and understanding your own feelings.
What is alternative? What I think of it, what it means to me.
The word alternative has a few different meanings, it can be as a substitute to something, it can be a second choice, but it can also be something that's... Unusual. As in, something different. In fashion, lifestyle and politics, it was used in the context of something that's opposite to what's traditional and acceptable by society.
Now it's used by just about anyone who dresses slightly different than the rest. I guess in the concept of fashion it can be just that, something slightly different than the norm. But you cannot call yourself "alternative" as a person, when your opinions are safe and carefully constructed as to not offend anyone, because that's what most people do, remaining neutral, keeping things safe as to not cause trouble.
By being alternative it means to reject the norm, in other words to differ from it entirely. When you are willing to have your own opinion, to express it and not let others speak over you, that's what it means to be alternative, there are no bounds as to what you have to be, it's really up to who you are as a person. You don't have to perform for anyone, you just have to be you, you can be loud and protest against what you hate, or maybe you can be more reserved and sophisticated but still reject traditional expectation. That's why there are so many older "alternative" people try to tell you to be yourself, it makes you different than the rest.
The amount of people that I've met, who claimed to be "alternative" yet had the same hollow opinions, values and underwhelming attitude as the rest, is quite staggering. There are no labels you have to follow, there are no rules you need to follow to be "alternative", it's something about being your truer sense of self and not conforming to other people just to keep things safe. In the end while you can dress "alternative" and you can be different physically, it's a whole different thing to be different mentally and to be different as a person.
Labels. What I think of them, what their purpose usually is interpreted as and why I heavily dislike them.
To label something is to put a tag on it, to give a brief description to it using a few words. By putting a label on something, you are putting them in a certain category, you are also restricting it to be something. Which makes sense on the market, you need to label things in groceries, clothing, or other things, but on people? Not at all.
Some may argue that labels help them feel validated or feel like they belong somewhere but the thing is, labels are restrictive and so often the people using them can also be. In the alternative fashion scene, you may see many people create substyles for styles, or make new categories for them. Sure it helps to find more people who are like you, in a way it can make you feel like you belong somewhere, but when people start to be restrictive, truly making use of the definition of labels, suddenly you're not enough, suddenly you don't belong because you don't fit the standards created by those people.
Is it really about belonging or is it a way to marginalize people in a way that they see fit? When using labels, there's usually expectations tied to them, from very simple things up to very restrictive things such as believing you have to to have the same beliefs and views as others. Giving labels, clashes with the idea of being unique, original and being yourself. More labels you give yourself, more you put yourself in tighter, smaller boxes and constrict your character further.
I absolutely despise it when people try to label me as anything and I hate it in particular when assumptions are made about me or my personality based on the way I dress or talk. I don't need labels and I don't feel the need to label myself, nor will I have someone else do it for me. I'm not defective in any way and I don't need to change in order to fit someone's imaginary little boxes they created in their fictional idea of me. I am me, you are you, end of story.
Something I will loosely quote, said by my philology teacher is that: "I guess there are certain situations of people, I wouldn't say categories that's not right, no person should have a category put to them." While a strict teacher, with high expectations of her students, she was someone I will almost always look up to, for voicing her opinion and teaching me and others not just simple school subjects but also important life lessons.
Performance. When is it okay to be performative and when is it not? When does it get to a point?
Thing about performance is that it's sometimes a good thing, sometimes not as much. To perform is to act in other to impress, or to present something to an audience in order to entertain. Sometimes you may be performative in other to manipulate a situation or in order to gain something you want, which happens more often than not. Other times, as mentioned, it's in order to impress, sometimes you may act like someone else, only for attention, while your true self is hidden elsewhere.
In my opinion, if you are to perform in a social setting in order to get out of a certain situation, then I totally understand it. If you are to perform in order to deflect from personal problems, such as acting fine while not actually being, that is also understandable. And I feel that in such situations it shouldn't be an issue unless it's overdone to the point of your own discomfort.
But when does it actually start to annoy me? As mentioned when others use it to manipulate people, it is the worst kind of thing. Using certain tactics, you create an image of someone, someone that isn't you, just because you want to gain something from others - just to use people. It takes a certain kind of control and extremely good acting to pull off, it's admirable in a way, especially when executed successfully but when it causes more harm than good, that's when it's no longer admirable, but instead it's loathsome.
Pretending to be someone, pretending to like something only because others like it, pretending to enjoy something just because others do, is only damaging your sense of self further and you might never grasp the chance of self-discovery and acceptance if you continue that way. That is different than what I just mentioned, you're not only manipulating others but also you are confusing yourself too, it's not like acting and controlling a situation, it's more like letting other people control how you must be.
Who are you? How can you find out who you truly are? How to find your true, sense of self?
You, who are you? Have you ever wondered that? Personally speaking I've thought of it so many times, questioned life, my existence, how I've come so far, how I managed to survive so far. Even then, I'm not quite sure of who I am. It's nor too late, nor too early to figure out who I really am, but it takes time. That's how it will be for others too. You can't immediately find out who you are and who you want to be, you change through time, nothing is actually "absolute". However, you can slowly unravel your keen character traits. Which will be a huge step to self discovery.
To find yourself means to find what's dear to you, what your goal in life is, what you want to do. It's normal to not know yet, it's normal to feel a certain pressure when people ask you about that, when people expect you to have your whole life figured out. So then, think of what your core values are, what you can stand for, no matter what happens. Think of when you feel true happiness, no matter how mundane or unusual that may be. Think of what puts you off, what triggers you. What makes you feel.
By finding what you like and dislike, you start to create personal boundaries and expectations. By thinking of what you enjoy, you manage to create a safe corner in mind. Something that can make you feel better. By thinking of what you dislike and what triggers you, you'd know what you should avoid. By thinking of what you fear, you'd know if you would need to face it in the future or also avoid it entirely.
Who you want to associate yourself with, who you like or dislike. What you like about people and what you don't like about people. If you want to be surrounded by people or if you are content with having few to no people around you. Communicating, socializing, what you think of it.
You may need to confront yourself, your emotions and you may need to try to further understand how you feel. It takes time, but you will get there one day. Thing is, by doing so, you will understand yourself better and it will help you manage the same emotions that might be bothering you.
That eventually comes down to your behavior, personality and how you dress and act. By learning who you are, you will also learn how to present yourself, how you want to dress and what makes you feel the most confident. It will help you learn how you want to act like or how to feel the most comfortable.
End and criticism:
My words are not something that should be taken as factually correct nor absolute. It's my opinion and shouldn't be treated as absolute. After all you should have your own opinion as well, if you want to tell me how you feel, you have every right to and I'm open to listening to others. If you think my opinion is flawed yet do not elaborate on why, then your comment will be removed. If you think my opinion is flawed yet you can elaborate as to why you think that, then may I reconsider my words. I appreciate any carefully constructed comments and a deeper insight on things. That's all. Farewell.
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Sunny ☆
While I can't add anything else to this, I just wanted to say that this was a really insightful read and I enjoyed how you put your point across!
raspberrie
Ily. For putting into words what I couldn’t. This has been pissing me off for im not sure how long. Im general I think though that, probably, we can never really fully now ourselves since we’re always changing and in motion and maybe that’s our biggest problem.
Other than your whole take also reminded me of the quote already mentioned in the other comment and Dostoyevsky’s: “ Above all, don't lie to yourself. The man who lies to himself and listens to his own lie comes to a point where he cannot distinguish the truth within him, or around him, and so loses all respect for himself and for others.”
Apparently I also cannot write properly ‘Im’ should’ve been “in” and it’s missing a “that” after the ‘than’
by raspberrie; ; Report
Mary Ann
Your passage on labels reminded me of this quote: to define is to limit. Overall, I loved reading your perspective on this!
I really enjoy sharing my perspective on things and I'm glad you enjoyed reading, your kind words are appreciated.
by X4NAX; ; Report