well, whatever it was

i know everyone now. two weeks of spending all my time outside has proved the world is small.

they say a storm is building in the pacific, that it will be the biggest in a very long time and that it will not come until the spring of next year (2027) but i think it has already arrived. i think it has replaced my wall of fog and beautiful ribbons of cloud with sheets of snake skin shed across the sky. the cracks and ripples floating in the sky like foam on water. altocumulus clouds: occurring when a layer of warm moist air flows beneath much cooler air, the warm wet air forming a layer of clouds and the cool air sinking causing cracks in the sheet. 

ow, my leg. i've been meeting lots of dogs, i wish i could remember their names but i do not. one ran circles around me wrapping her leash around my ankles, i fell to the ground like a cartoon. i've been training me dog a lot. that's what i do, i go out and we train. training day after day after day things that look impressive but serve no purpose.

you old dog! i realize it only because she bit as fast as she was before. taking her time now going from sit to down. still she looks at me with the same thoughtful and attentive eyes as she has her whole life. what do you do when your brain outlives your body, you old dog? i don't want another, i just want her to be young again. i just want to be young again you old dog!

this time when i go outside i will turn my life around and do it right and i mean it unlike all those other times!

it's too late to teach some things. i want to train for a sport called mondioring. it is one of the most difficult and for this old dog it is too late to compete, but still she wants to and so we train each day so we train bites of the routine at a time.

you old dog, i bet you'd love to learn. 

she knows how to stay of course, but can she be running full speed across a field for a ball and freeze immediately in place when i call "bleib!" (stay)? that's more difficult. sitz! platz! bleib! gib laut! if dogs dream about the events of their day then this must be what she hears when she is running and twitching unconscious. i imagine in this version of her life she is as fast as ever. 

we're in a heatwave.

i went to the store and the cashier asked "where's your bodyguard?" I laughed. he means the dog. i said it's too hot out and he understood. i hope the day where the reason changes does not come soon. he asked if i wanted my receipt, i said no thanks and left. 

you know it's bad when you cannot listen to music without thinking of someone. each lyric somehow applies. it's horrible. i'm creating stories in my mind. it's horrible! give me my mind back! it was mine first! i can't even say anything without incriminating myself to the universe. if i said it aloud would the words float up hot and humid cracking when meeting with air fresher?

it's nice actually, this heatwave. when i was a kid i remember the adults talking and complaining about "The Heatwave" and while i knew it was hot i never really understood what that meant. even now i think, isn't this just summer? its not a sudden event, that's just the way it is, hot and humid and sticky and miserable enough for you to reminisce about later. sitting in front of a fan with a wet towel and cold lemonade, the condensation on the glass sweating down in beads and pooling in a ring at the floor. having no apatite for anything other than popsicles and water so cold it hurts to swallow. 

i was sitting in the grass when a mosquito kissed (brutally mauled) my cheek and neck. how delicious i must have been for him to tell all his friends. don't kiss and tell! my fans surrounded me in crowds of groupies pushing and shoving. my bodyguard spared no time before snapping at the air like a venus flytrap. we moved further away from the water to where no mosquito would dare fly without the risk of being cooked mid-flight in the convection oven that the unshaded air is. 

ah! it is a gift warm summer rain. lovely it is peeling off the shirt that is vacuumed sealed to your skin with sweat, to roll in grass and come up bitten by bugs because it has not been sprayed with pesticides, to drink a smoothie unburdened by nutritional information. 

i'll come again

playlist:

well, whatever it was: joyce manor

house that always rains: conan gray

sink into me: taking back sunday