some of my big thoughts

hihi guys! kinda bored and my thoughts are taking over my head. so lets talk about them! some of the topics ill be discussing are; the concept  of death, what makes things feel good vs bad, mean people, and love, as well as a whatever else i think of as i write this.

death has always been kinda a weird concept to me. loss especially. because people will spend so much of their lives with a person and then after they die, i mean yeah theyre sad for a little, but soon enough they kinda just fade away. how does that not effect you permanently? how does someone so dear to you just leave one day and theres no chance of them coming back and you just come to terms with it? what if we all die tomorrow huh? genuinely ive been thinking about this, we never know what or when something is gonna happen. i mean shit man i could fall into a meat grinder tomorrow morning and none of us would even suspect anything. especially as someone that likes to leave for like days and then come bavck. what if i died when i left? do you guys have any idea how many times i almost have? but whatever #yolo.

also, does death necessarily hurt? also the thought of an afterlife, genuinely who came up with this. 

OH ALSO WHAT IF IM INA  SALVIA TRIP RN. LIKE GENUINELY WHAT THE HECK. my best friend brought this up the other night and ever sine then its got me thinking; what if we are all tripping rn? like genuinely what if none of my sad pathetic life was real and it was all in my head. genuinely bro its tripping me out. because what if i wake up one day and im just boom. a man. because im tripping that im a teenage girl. 

also, why do things like sex and drugs make you feel good and happy but then also sad and angry? as well as like how the heck do we prove things, i mean yeah evidence but also that evidence could prove something completely different and more accurate that someone hadnt thought of yet. shit i mean, what if its just all stuff that our head is doing to us for no particular reason. what if we're all just crazy frs. 

how are people like normal. like how does a person manage to just be a normal, mentally well person. like the concept of something with no mental issues is just weird to me. like wdym you feel okay all the time? 

OHOJHOHOHOH, what if we all just see different things like crazy different things but convince ourselves we see the same thing, like shit man my face could be completely different, like picasso, and then to someone else iot was like idk man you know what i mean. like also, picasso, with this like thought he couldve jus been painting what he saw. yknow????

mean people. how do some  people just have such an extreme lack or sympathy towards everyone else that they manage to just be mean and a bitch to everyone. like how does one genuinely make fun of someone and then when confronted continue doing it? me being ugly doesnt hurt you bro. 

lovelovelovelovelove. how does someone only feel attracted towards one gender? i mean you fall in love with the person, not their gender identity,  and i understand thats a part of who the person is but its not all they are. and honestly that shouldnt matter. i mean i myself am pansexual so that might be part of the reason why i think this why but it just doesnt make sense to me, seriously. 

anyways guys that all my thoughts frs, im gonna update this when im not having a panic attack and extremely bad episode, i love you!