i had fun singing!!! TW: self-harm, bcus ofc! that's related to singing if you dont know

i hope no one heard it, im a night owl, and it must be something for other people to hear me sing in the silent night. but i've done a sound check before, that's what give me the confidence and push to do it in the first place, and found that despite my room having many holes, no sound comes out.

this is new news, bcus before i never ever use my voice, i can count the amount of words i spoken in a year, and it'll be less than 100 so my body kind of forgot how to speak. 

my family hates my voice, would make fun of me, so i end up rarely speaking, i never really communicate with my family, i tried again and again to be on good term with them, but i feel like they never change, idk i like to get away from them as much as i can, because they will always have a way to make me sad.

i often communicate trough written paper, many times that make me hates myself so much that i stab myself in my throat trying to disabled me from even having the ability to speak.

is funn but i cant sing for long, my voice will start to break and after a while breath is all that's gonna come out. maybe i do sing long and my voice is uhh.. healthy, i sing for 20 minutes. is fun doing this for the first time, it's like learning how to ride a bike, but the bike is my voice, the more and more i sing the easier it is to control. 

the fear is definitely the thing i must grasp so i can express my voice more, i really feel scared of speaking, and as i said im in a room with many holes. if i have my own room where there's 0 sound that's able to get out, ill be loud, that's what my heart want.

i had fun, maybe ill do this daily like i do with dancing, bcus i really love music, hope nothing bad stopping me from it. 

i sing song that's not in my first language, japunese, and english, im really surprised that i dont have like accent to them i think i sound more like a native speaker than my first language. i do hear and understand that language more than my first language, but who knows, your voice always sound bery different in third person.

it's really an experience to sing along with a song, it can really amplify so much of the the emotion, it feel so freeing.

someone, love me, like me, touch me, someone~ someone~ someone~ aaAAAAAAAAAAaa.·°՞(ᗒ□ᗕ)՞°·.