older women

i have a pretty mixed opinion on older women. no, this is not me saying i'm attracted to them. what i mean is, i think that there's something so.. wonderful about them. i feel like in our society, with all the misogyny, it's nice to see older women still able to be happy and stuff. like, it's nice to see them still doing things that they want. tbh, i just love seeing people who have, i guess, lived and are still living. whether it's knowledge people have from past experiences, or physical marks, it's just so beautiful. humans are great in the way that they're conscious, in the way that they love, and hate, and feel. and when you can tell someone has loved and been loved before it's just.. amazing.

with older women, you can see in their bodies that they've lived, even if they try to hide it. i think everyone should normalize aging normally. if it's a purely cosmetic thing (anti-wrinkle stuff, whatever else ppl use), then i think it's unnecessary. even if we end up "ugly," there's nothing really wrong with it. wrinkles and sagging skin are beautiful in their own way, because it shows that someone has been around for a while and they're still kicking (or however that saying goes..). smile lines? stunning, i love to see that someone has experienced that much joy. grey hairs? sparkling, like natural tinsel. and the way older women's bodies are is also beautiful, for the same reasons.

at the same time though, i am.. i guess scared, of older women. it could be because they occasionally remind me of my mom (who isn't even that old yet, mind you), or because i was raised with "respect your elders" but something went wrong so now i'm just kind of spooked and quiet around them, who knows. it could possibly be because my mom. my school counselor reminds me a lot of her and that's kind of off-putting to me so it scares me whenever i have to talk to my counselor. and it's weird, because i dunno, i used to have a good relationship with my mom. i think. i don't really remember when i was 4-10 (because we all know you gain consciousness at around 4 or so), only like occasional moments, but even then those moments are usually with my friends at school. i should add this is odd, because i have an exceptional memory. but, i looked through my old diary and i wrote in there smth positive my mom said, so i'm guessing things were good. ngl though, some of the things i wrote in there were kinda performative, coz i was thinking "oh, you're supposed to write and think things like this aren't you?" and i think that mindset is also what led me to choose boys to have crushes on, because i thought that's how it's meant to go. idk. who knows, i'm still young and things can still get better (...could also get worse), so i won't focus too hard on it.

anyways, those are my thoughts. i can see why "milf" is a term, but i am not into older women that way, even if i joke about it. i admire them like you'd admire a statue. #aestheticattraction4thewin. if you're reading this, you can share your thoughts if you want :3