A Lil Youtube Response- Ryan Robinson

The Post

My response: 

I feel this in one of my closest and farthest long time best friends. We hardly talk anymore but I feel like we inherently understand each other. 

Ive been quite isolated lately, but often find company with inanimate objects, talking to myself, or connecting with things like bugs/animals. I think it's given me a chance to step away from outside voices and perspectives nipping at me and get to know myself on a level I otherwise would have guarded access to. What does everyone else expect of me? How are they perceiving me? How does that effect my relationships? It's exhausting.

Within this period of isolation, I've been slowly building the foundation to feeling myself more. I have almost completed a painting I am really proud of, picked up my first spider friend yesterday (I used to have arachnophobia!), and since I've been talking to myself more, I've gotten to enjoy my humor and my outlook on things without letting the potential critique of it from others influence it. It's kinda goofy, because at the same time I wish I was involved the same way in people's lives as everyone else in my life seems to be. Entangled in whatever ways they are- good, bad, neutral. I've felt like an outsider a lot of my life, as especially now hitting my early 20's and it just feels like I'm way too serious for other people my age. It feels lonely.

I suppose that's the beauty of spirit and the universe. Being forced to stand back and play the observer role (whether or not you want to at the time) is so necessary to getting an entirely different point in your journey than if you didn't. Being disconnected makes me find the company with things I otherwise wouldn't explore, and for that I am grateful.

-Roland, approx. three weeks ago