Tidal

I am extremely stupidly sensitive. Every single thing that happens to me or around me I feel it very intensely I feel it so deeply and I think so many things so often that almost everyone I know says that I am an overly dramatic person.

 I interpret the actions of others on a too much of a superficial level. Just like fiona apple. I feel so misunderstood and I don't know how to show off my real self without people thinking I'm too much for them. So, I just end up mirroring their personality and hope that I'll be likable enough to keep people around me. I can't bear the idea of someone knowing how messy and horrible I really am. IIt's either I'm too much or I don't say anything at all, and I come off as someone who doesn't care or is cold hearted. I am filled with so much self loathing that it just turns into this unlikable difficult person to be around.

 I have been told that I'm self absorbed and messy. But it's actually really the opposite, I act out on things that come in differently from my head. Sometimes things I say aren't the same as what I think. I don't know why I do that. I don't have whatever it takes to be a normal person that knows what to say or do at the right time. Fiona apple reminds me that sensitivity is a gift and you should embrace your true crazy messy nature because that's who you are. And to also think of your extremely sensitive side of yourself as a strength and not a weakness. That whatever life throws your way, whatever unfortunate things happen to you....you can get out of it.

 It's going to take a very long time, but it will happen. I am thankful for women like fiona apple. This doesn't make sense but that's okay