28/6/2026

My dear,

it's my birthday today. well... not for much longer i guess. i wanted to write smth before today ended. i dont even know why. i havent even written anything in a while. i dont really know what i'm expecting from writing this. maybe ntg at best. maybe i'll come back to it nxt yr just to laugh at the loser who wrote this.

so... i did dye my hair blue at the start of this month. yea, i kinda wanted to do it back in may but at least i finally did it. i even did it myself. it's fading now into this weird green-blue color. i dont like it, but i dont hate it either. it's okay. maybe i'll dye it again when it fades. maybe some other color.

i really wanted smone to notice me today. i dont even know why. not cus of my hair or anything. maybe just because it's my birthday. i just wanted smone to look at me. i wanted to feel... seen i guess. maybe adored. by anyone really. my parents. a friend. smone. i kept waiting like an idiot even though i knew it probably wasn't gonna happen. but i still hope... maybe nxt yr it does.

everything feels so far lately but somehow still close at the same time. sometimes i wish i could just disappear like i was never here... but i also wanna know what nxt yr is like. i wonder if maybe it'll finally give me a reason i couldn't find this year. idk. i think that curiosity is enough to keep me here for a while.

if u r reading this a year from now... i hope it's from a college dorm far away from home. i hope u didn't cry. and if u did, i really hope it was because of smth good. i hope u found whatever i couldnt. i hope smone noticed u the way i wanted smone to notice me today.

happy birthday.

i hope... i'm sorry. all i ever do is hope.
but i really, really hope it's a happy birthday.

from,

the one who looked forward to you.