Body shutdown

My hair is falling out more than it ever has. I move a little bit and my hair falls out in a bunch. Somehow I haven't gone bald yet but I feel loose hair on me ALL. THE. TIME. If I run my hand through my hair it comes out in several strands endlessly through each pass. Somehow my hair quality has improved, though.

My body feels weak and fatigued. I have low blood pressure naturally, but I feel more tired than usual. It doesn't help that the weather has gone up to 45° C here every single day for the past 3 months. 

My period has only lasted for 2 days, rather than the usual 4, for the past 3 months.

My skin is sort of duller than usual. 

I don't feel very hungry at all. But I always feels parched.

I can't sleep well. It also has a lot to do with the temperature, but sleeping in general is also more difficult now, sometimes.

My memory has become significantly worse than usual. My brain cannot recall anything nowadays. My creativity has also steadily declined over the years. In general, it feel like my brain has slowed down. Of course, it was reflected in my exam results. I even have a hard time understanding what I'm reading sometimes. 

Drinking or smoking also doesn't feel that good anymore. I never did it a lot in the first place, but it doesn't make me as relaxed or happy as before. I don't feel that interested in those things now.

I also recently developed an intolerance to eggs and mango, which is literally the most devastating part of this post. I love mangoes so much, it's the only reason I tolerate summer heat. And eggs...I didn't eat them enough or appreciate them enough when I could eat them. I miss those. I don't know why it happened, just suddenly started giving me stomach cramps for the whole day whenever I ate them. 

I just generally feel unhappier than ever before, even though I'm technically doing more things now, and I even hung out with my friend and have plans again. Nothing feels good anymore. I don't feel like sleeping, eating, drinking, drawing, reading, going out, staying awake, listening to music, daydreaming, doomscrolling...nothing. I don't want to do anything anymore. I don't even want to rest.

I told my mother about these problems and she just blames my lifestyle, which is true, but it's not the core of the issue. She doesn't seem concerned with the underlying problem. She doesn't even speculate. She just shames me for my lifestyle choices. I don't know what else I expect anyway. My father doesn't care about anything or anyone. Neither does my mother, but she probably feels more responsible for paying attention to her children than he does. My brother is busy in his life, which is good. Nobody else is physically present to notice. 

Right now I'm in a productivity burst. It usually happens to me for around 2 weeks, every 3-4 months. It hasn't happened for me in a long while, more than 5-6 months, so this one is lasting a bit longer. I've drawn a lot in this time and even wrote some stories on Tumblr. I have even done some physical craft work in the past few days. 

I'm going to have a crash soon, like I always do. I have a freelance opportunity coming up so I don't know how I'll navigate my work through the crash, but I'll have to. 

I wanna die soon, but it seems like my body is doing it on it's own.

Just a health update.

28/06/2026