My media illiteracy and dread of death

Been thinking about the ending of tadc AND Backrooms and the obvious parallels between jax and Clark as much as everyone hates Clark I think his frustration was *somewhat* justified? I know what it’s like to work tooth and nail for nothing and I understand why he was upset with his ex wife I would’ve done the same low key but unlike jax I think he did get what he deserved in the end when that fuck ass monster ate him which is weird because I do see myself in him. As crazy as it sounds I don’t think him being eaten by the evil version of him was a bad thing for him a least I think he got what he wanted he wanted in the end. 

On another topic Luis De La Rosa not that I was a fan of him or anything but the way he died got me. He was an animator for spider verse and knights of Guinevere he literally got hit by a train and died as soon as he announced his animated project  Ash Raider World he never got to finish his dream project because he died in the most random ass way possible and he was so close too it hurts knowing that so many projects go unnoticed. I also saw gooseworx Tumblr asks and how difficult it was to make the show and write the characters as just one person writing shows is hard work. Im lazy :,( I have ideas and concepts for characters but no concrete plan I wish to tell a story to make my mark to the with my art before my time runs out I want people to like my work in a narcissist way I don’t understand love and it’s not enough I want people to like me and for who I am but I’m too lazy to lock in I wanted to die but now I’m terrified of dying because it’s painful having sepsis changed my prospective I don’t wish to die scared and in pain like jax and definitely not alone bellspeil knows she’ll probably die like this and young so she locked in and made a comic I admire her I always have all the way back when she was pasteloween she’s obviously not perfect and kind of a pretentious cunt sometimes but yeah I envy them to an extent I don’t want to be like gooseworx or pasteloween but I wish to have that kind of discipline/luck(?)