drip. drip. drip ( poem ) ( tw : SA and sh / suicide )

I'm tired of the fantasy where it'll heal. the hallucination of him-- I don't know how to feel, it felt so real, I refused to look behidrnd. ow ow ow my limb, I feel so blind. why must I see him too? in the corner of my room, behind the door? I feel so blue. if I look there, boom I will cry more. the red marks on my arm, they hurt, but they also feel good. The only way I can please him, ,, OW OW OW MY FOREARM! " ,, whatever, I'll regret it later, I need this now " I grim. I would stop if I could. ,, OW ! FUCK ! " I cry. they're glowing red now, I hope he's happy with what I did. a river of tears forming in my eye, but oh wow, I hid. I wanna seem useful to him. he's not truly there, just to please my brain-- my heart feels heavy. ,, next time, it'll be deeper " I fain. I turn off the light thats dim, I need a bevvy. Sweet sweet liquor. I open the bottle, then freeze. I cant open my mouth. I'm not proud. he's not proud. I'm not at ease. I feel sicker. As I look at myself in the mirror, he appears. ,, cmon pretty boy , come back into ur bed , " he says ,, we can have fun together . " I fears. how confusing tis he becomes more clearer. ,, more . . more . . MORE . . MORE ! " I whisper, red appears on my arm more. drip. drip. drip. drip. my vision goes blurry, a river of tears form in my eyes. drip. drip. drip. drip. I'm a risker. I open my drawer, flip, flip, flip, I begin to flurry. I'm full of cries.