vent qwq

I usually describe what I feel as black smoke surrounding my heart.. you know that heavy black smoke released by fires? well, I feel like that's what traps me and suffocates me. it doesn't let anything in except for a few tiny rays of light. that's really how I feel, I feel it rising in my throat and making it tough to breathe.

I don't know how to stop feeling this way and every day I feel more and more tired. I hold on to things and people. I know I shouldn't, that only I can help myself but I don't know how.