Lost my chance at bagging a girl as a girl.

I know I just wrote a blog but I haven't been here for a while soooo...I have this girl bsf that I enjoy being with. I love how close we are and how we always talk tmi to each other. She's a bit nerdy and she's pretty in my eyes. I felt like we got closer a bit this May and June. We'd flirt around, saying things like "I'm gonna kiss you" and stuff like that which kinda made my heart flutter. She even finds me cute. Unfortunately, I think she only saw our flirts as just "friendly flirting"?? yk like where you just flirt around with your friends. I think that's how she just sees it but I didn't. I could see a relationship and slow make outs. haha...

I knew I was doomed though because in our chats, she'd always talk about having a submissive boyfriend who cries at her feet. Sometimes even wanting to be a man. I would love to support her if she ever goes transgender too because it wouldn't change who she is inside. Ultimately, when school was over and the summer started, she started getting texts from a guy who lives in our neighboring town over. I guess they're hitting it off well because she seems so excited and so happy talking to the guy. He even likes her. I was sooooo doomed upon hearing that because she would've been my first real lesbian relationship ever. I don't mean it to be weird or fertilize it :sob: 

I'm bisexual but I lean more towards men and masc women. I feel upset with myself within the fact that I might be homophobic internally with myself. I think about it all the time, just thinking about committing to a women for the rest of my life. Would I really want that? no because I want biological kids. That's why when I'm in my LGBTQ+ group, I feel so straight compared to them. I just feel like I don't belong with them despite being Bisexual. Honestly, I liked her so much that I would've come out to my mother. I seriously can't believe I lost to a man. It's fine, It's cool. wtv Chappell Roan said...