I'm just a loser

Hi it's KJ!

I have a problem that I am sadly too aware of.I hate myself,even though clearly I cant identify myself as something.I'm not saying like "Oh I'm just a teenager I havent found my identity but I wanna attract attention going all depressive!".I dont have that kid that is supposed to be growing up developing into a person,someone,a human being in the world,I lost that child it's not there.And somehow I developed a huge hatred for myself,when I look at myself I cant seem to love anything about myself a single bit.By that I mean literally.I dont want anybody to take any of this personally but I dont think anybody likes me genuinely like I said before..I just knew that everybody around me just wanted me gone.Nobody ever liked me,nobody wanted me there ,they never wanted to hear my voice ,nobody wanted to see my presence there,they never wanted me existing I know it.After the exam people stopped coming to school so did I.I got a permission paper to not attend school till 24 june bc 25 june is the last day of school.The second wrote that to the class group chat they started making plans to go to school and hangout.Since that day they've been making plans to hangout an hanging out the day after having fun.I texted in the group asking small questions like what brand was the crime game?I feel bored at home does somebody have a suggestion?(They always give suggestions..)They go on and ignore me,well maybe they didnt have any answers or anything but it feels a little too off that they ignored me in every single question or attempt of communicating to them..Now when these combine with my severe thoughts about my relationships it just eats me from inside..I really wish I never thought of something like this all the time but I felt like writing blogs here is a step for me to be able to express my problems and feel seen for once..bc in the environment I live in people just straight up assume you're just a freak who wants attentionor severely mentalally illed b1tch who should be locked up or a pick me actor.I honestly cant seem to have the courage to tell what I feel to any therapists,friends,family or anybody here and be understood..They hear but they dont process..Thanks for reading this though!I hope to not be the only person struggling like this..because I feel like a loser and that I should ki11 myself..

KJ dies!