Vent you may ignore

Its really sad when someone treats you like shit although you're doing everything you can to make it work. Shed so many tears until you couldn't anymore. Wrote letters about how much you love someone, describe it in detail for over ten pages written by hand. Craft and create packed with so much emotion and care and gift them your soul. Promise them your loyalty and future. Knowingly CHOOSE them over anyone else because you love them, not because they deserve you. Because deep inside you know that you are too good for them. And yet you thought that people could change, work on themselves and become better versions of themselves.

It's not that I couldn't find someone else or even better, it's the fact that something I was perfectly fine with, got used to and loved more than anything got taken away from me for no reason. Because I'm trying hard and they were not. I was not worth their effort. Not worth an apology, not worth an argument, not worth some patience, not worth some honesty, not worth some vulnerability and humbleness.

Its always toxic masculinity and egoism that stands before my feelings. As if they deserved better while treating me worse.

I didn't want someone better, i wanted the best version of them. Them, just in the future. Them, but healed. Them, but more mature. Their soul was what I loved, not the way they decided to express themselves. Honestly feel like Jacob from Twilight but on a grown ass man not on a baby lol. Same level of i cannot control and it feels permanent.