Anxiety choking me and OSRS

A couple weeks ago I handed in my final assignment of the year, this assignment will determine whether I can participate in my internship or not. The internship has been in planning since February, I've signed the contract, but I'm terrified.

It's going to be in a different country which is exciting, and I'll be living with my grandparents that I haven't met since 2018. I have to send an email to my supervisor in at the host organization to discuss when they want me there, schedule and responsibilities, and such, but I want to wait until I get the result back. I don't think I could stand to go through the entire planning process and then get the result that I failed my assignment. I should have probably written to them sooner but I just can't bring myself to do it, I don't want to waste their time in case I fail.

It would be mortifyingly humiliating! And I keep playing the situation in my head where I have to reach out to them and tell them I am unable to go after all the planning that has gone into it! I would have to wait an entire year for a second opportunity and it wouldn't even be guarantied that I would get a chance to go there again. 

Another thing that has me terrified is that in my CV and Coverletter I expressed that I have conversational level of the language I am going to but the organizer told them I am FLUENT! I am most definitively NOT fluent.

My anxiety is messing with me by putting stupid thought in my head, overexaggerating the situation.

 "If I died I wouldn't have to deal with telling them I failed."

 "If I drown no one will care that I failed, they'll focus on the fact that I am dead instead, and I don't have to explain that I don't speak the language fluently even if I don't fail."

 "If I'm dead I won't have any worries anymore and no more anxiety, and no more depression, and no more stress. It'll all just be gone."

It's gotten to the point where I'll randomly burst into uncontrollable tears, struggling to breathe, heart beating rapidly, it sucks. Of course I know that all of this is irrational by that doesn't mean that my body knows that, it still produces all the stress hormones thinking I am in a life or death situation, and trying to give me a damn heart attack by not letting me BREATHE! 

(Even if all of it goes to shit I'll still go down and visit my grandparents for a little while, they're so excited and I would hate to disappoint them as well).

ANYWAY!

I started playing Old School RuneScape to distract myself while waiting, it's been very fun, I love watching the levels go up hahah!

Generally I'm like really bad about quests in games, some quests are fun I just don't like quests where I have to run back and forth between the quest giver and the objective.

The style of the game is very muted which I like and it's not overwhelming, and my computer doesn't threaten to explode from hyperventilating while playing :)