OCD stands for Obsessions Come Distant

Obsessions Come Distant. 

It starts at the back of your head, small and distant—you won’t even realize it until you’ve repeated yourself for the tenth time. 

You’re certain you locked the door, but are you sure you locked the door? You might be wrong, so you check the locks again. You’re briefly relieved after locking them for the last time; but at some point, you’ll go to bed thinking about the locks again—and if someone might somehow pick the locks and break in—or if you should add more security to your doors.

Sometimes, it just feels natural, it just feels like something you generally dislike. You grew up not liking the smell of smoke. So you avoid all circumstances where people might smoke, and panic when you sense it from a distance—like someone just blew it right at your face.

Sometimes, it could even be in something you enjoy. I’m a writer, and personally? I almost cried when I realized I misspelled a word in an essay I submitted somewhere. At school, I would constantly seek reassurance from my notes and my classmates. I’m a really expressive writer, and my favorite subject is English—so what if the expository text my teacher made me write was actually not an expository text? What if it was more of a persuasive text, or a narrative? 

But the paper had just been submitted. I can’t check it anymore, I sit in my chair, briefly relieved that I did the seatwork within the given time, but something tugs in both my chest and my head—did I sound awkward? 

Obsessions Come Distant, but they expand.

Our minds begin to get more insightful and expansive of social conformities, challenges, politics.

I’m a teen. Even at my young age, I began to obsess over where I stand in politics and what I advocate for, and what will make me more of a good person. I research and study about the left, the right, the difference between the liberals and the leftists—eventually, I’ve decided to identify as a leftist. I do not support capitalism, patriarchy, ultranationalism, and I hate the discrimination minorities receive every day. But what if inclusivity isn’t key after all? No, it should be—but can’t some people be excluded?

No, that would be a personal issue. Not the entire world.

I’m quite certain about what I critique. But the other side gnaws at me, sometimes, they make more sense—but then, I make more sense. 

I know the last line you read was confusing. 

Think about the enemy territory suddenly entering your mind, convincing and hypnotizing you to think your side is nonsense, and that you should reconsider where you belong, and since you “know” where you stand—you start to fight your own thoughts. But it only makes things more complicated. 

Now, you don’t know if you’re the person you would loathe to be.

Obsessions Come Distant, and it could be all in your head.

Exposure to social media means being educated about different kinds of mindsets. Some could not be typical, or as they would call it; neurodivergent. 

Much like how conservatives view the majority of the leftists.

Mental illnesses rise to the surface for people outside of the medical field to be aware of. It has done both good and bad. More stigmatizing stereotypes rose, and at the same time, some fell—you can’t help but focus on the ones rising, and think that’s how people would view you.

Browsers have become a huge part of our lives, some people out there purposefully use it to learn—but you’re using it to reassure yourself.

Denial could be silent. You secretly relate to symptoms, but you tell yourself you don’t have it, and release a breath you didn’t realize you’ve been holding.

But the uncertainty comes back; and the reassurance from earlier wasn’t enough—even though you told yourself it was.

It’s all in your head, because nobody would have noticed your search history, how you complain about a minor mistake, how excessively you obsess over the smallest things, and most importantly—how you try to convince yourself you don’t have something you do have.

Obsessions Come Distant, until it ultimately gets to you. 

Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder,  I wish you would warn me before you come.

By: Sertraline