Never meet someone you kinda know in a weird (?) way and think they're cool (+ other updates)

Okay so I went to that concert and had a very good time. There was only about 25-30 people total, including all the band members, so it was super chill. Maybe too chill. It took a looonngg time to get the crowd into it but when they did we were all dancing and having fun.

I normally don't drink around my brothers because they get weird about it like I'm some kind of alcoholic (I am not. I barely drink enough to get tipsy). But I wasn't driving and a gin and tonic sounded sooo good to me so I had one single drink. Tell me why the fuck a double gin and tonic cost me seven (7) dollars. Is this normal?? Am I just so used to mixing my own shit up at home I am not accustomed to the prices of alcohol at a bar??

Anyways. The title of this blog. One of my favorite local radio Djs was there as an emcee. Well we were about to leave and so I stopped him just to say hi and that I love his show. This weirdo kinda caged me in a corner a little bit,,, there were people literally ALL around us, including my brother, it wasn't seriously that bad it just felt weird considering that we were very in the open before, and was soooooo goddamn close to me talking in almost a hushed whisper?? Like "wow, so you're a listener? that's so awesome! what's your name?" and I was trying very hard to be normal because my brain was like "GET THE FUCK BACK!! JESUS!" Like it was just so close. so close. I got nervous and babbled out some nonsense and I think he thought I was a groupie or something it was so embarrassinnngg. Anyways, this instance has been haunting me for a full week now. It was kinda alarming to be a ""young woman"" suddenly completely closed off by a like 50 yr old drunk man. Guy who I thought was kinda cool too like goddamn...

Unrelated to that, but I have been in such a deep hole lately I don't even know if I'm moving upwards or digging further down. It's so fucking bad I am seriously losing my mind. I keep thinking that if I distract myself it'll all work out in time.. but it's been almost two months now I'm running out of distractions. I can't even keep my house clean, and I haven't actively worked on any of my hobbies in at least two weeks, and if I am told to scan a qr code for a job application ONE MORE TIME I am going to do something that the job market will never recover from. I feel like a complete waste of space and I seriously just want to scream and scream until someone will care enough to help me. I know what I need but I don't have anyone who can help me. And I don't think my insurance covers therapists. 

I don't want to end on that absolute bummer so, 

I re-organized my DVD shelves yesterday. I feel a little bit better about it now that they're not just all thrown up there.

My giant collection of Daredevil web graphics grows every day. I'll be posting them all very soon!

And next Thursday I'm going to my Aunt Shirley's and we're gonna order pizza and watch horror movies all day. So I have to make it until at least next Thursday.