Hard Days

I know we all go through one of those days. You can deny it all you want and say no I don't but we all do. The hardest thing about having one of those days is being diagnosed with depression or bipolar depression or bipolar 1 depression. So much harder, because you're trying to look at everything as a normal disposition as you always do. yet you have this sadness that just overwhelms you won't go away no matter how hard you try, you still have that voice in your head. No matter how hard you try to even listen to your favorite music station, listen to your favorite songs, watch your favorite anime or watch your favorite TV show or do what you normally do to make yourself feel better but yet nothing you're doing is helping change the feeling to go away. Even, if you try to be on medication it helps a lot o waiting on medications, can only do so much, but there are so many people out there that aren't on the medication or they're waiting on a call back from a doctor or they're waiting for information to know what they can go on with or what they can do.  Then you're trying to contact the family to talk to them to see if the family will talk to you or talk to your friends but yet no one wants to answer.  We just left floating there not knowing what to do. It's just like in there floating In limbo or purgatory not knowing what we can do. what's thinking about everything we can do with trying everything we can do but yet we're still there. I don't know this feeling because I've dealt with it for most of my life. My immediate family,  I can't talk to them because they don't want to talk to me.  My biological father or mother will talk to me which is pretty sad.  I come from a big family of 13 siblings, which of them are 3 passed away sadly, but that still doesn't beat the purpose that I have a big family. The only person that I can call but could probably help is my twin sister but it's like a phone's on do not disturb those three rings and then voicemail sorry voicemail is full.  and then I'm just sitting here thinking to myself what's the purpose of having a phone if I can't call you when I need someone to talk to.  I need someone that I can have there to listen to me when I need someone to listen to me, but yet I always have my phone on and I'm always the one that she calls. I listen to her and I help her it.  Apparently, it's not a two-way street and it doesn't work that way with her.  If you know anybody that is going through something like this try to call them or text them and ask them how you're doing you want to talk I'll listen because the littlest things will make the biggest difference just remember.  everybody matters in everybody's life does as well.