Log #1

06/18/26 - 04:28

     Following in my fiances steps & also writing daily blogs to log my thoughts & daily activities! Most days have felt like a bit of a blur. I had a sinus infection for 2 weeks a while back and just got off my meds for that a few days ago. During my sickness I did little to nothing but sleep, so both my sleep schedule & my fiance's are majorly fucked. Evidently as I write this at 4am LOL. Besides that setback, I also just finished my first year of college the same day i got sick T__T. I decided to take summer off-- winter short term burnt me out bad-- but the lack of structure is kind of driving me crazy. I've been a bit bored and extremely restless on & off. Hubby and I went to the store tonite on a whim, mostly for the car cigarettes & to walk around. I've been having issues with my financial aid so I'm lowkey broke, but the depop grind has been doing me well enough that we have money for little treats and the occasional retail therapy. Regardless, all is well.

     I have also recently been majorly "experimenting" with my gender & self expression. I kept flipping between deeming myself genderfluid or demigender, but nothing really fits. I feel deeply disconnected from my gender & struggle to align myself with any binary gender. I went through my first year of college full stealth, and it just didn't make me as happy as I thought it would. I felt deeply disconnected from myself and a bit exhausted due to the constant masking. As the semester wrapped up, I started collecting more "feminine" clothing and developing my style in that sense. I've grown very fond of my fashion sense and my clothing collection, but having shaved my head semi-recently has made it a bit hard for me to truly & comfortably embrace presenting myself in that way. I recently bought a cheap wig, and I finally properly shaved my face, put on a cute outfit, and put the wig on. Once I got past the embarrassment, It was the best I have ever felt in the longest time. The wig is around stomach length, wavy, and has straight bangs. As much as I don't love the bangs, it was very euphoric to see myself with long hair after over a decade of keeping it above shoulder length. It confirmed to me that I do really want to grow my natural hair out. I'm hoping I get the opportunity to wear it out in public sometime soon! I am also going to start dabbling in makeup more to try to immerse myself more.

     Anyway, I think that's about it on my end. I have a busy chore day tomorrow & no money, so we'll prolly just be home all day. Will post tomorrow regardless :) goodnight chat.