what do i even do about this (vent/rant)

to be honest i’ve been putting this off for a while just publicly talking about it i mean

it just feels kind of… ehhhh….

i didn’t really want to write a blog in the first place but it can’t be helped

i just feel like something like this doesn’t really deserve the attention, especially negatively

this is kind of just a vent ish so skip it if you don’t wanna read it but yk

just wanna let out some feelings!!

recently, one of my extremely close friends unadded me with 0 communication, wouldn’t even let me respond no nada nothing ykwim

this..behavior happens a lot with him as well as i, in the past at least. we’ve always been kind of on and off

but i guess it just sucks especially this time? it’s not wrong for me to think if you have a problem you should say something instead of lying to me, getting frustrated and bottling up your feelings then just like blocking me on everything

i think this all started happening because an old mutual friend that we both ended off on poor terms with me reached out

and i didn’t really think of anything of it at first

didn’t feel the need to say anything

do anything

i felt pressured to do a skit with them, not their fault, not mine either. it really wasn’t supposed to be harmful at all but it ended up being something more which i apologized for and defended him all of that

i think if he told me to unadd them i probably would’ve, no offense. i really do like these people but i was fine with my life the way it was already going

and supposedly, he would go to other people in which i didn’t know about until he unadded me of course

saying things like i betrayed him and things of the sort

when that was never the case

sigh

this guy always goes back to people that hurt him

and that hurts me

but i just can’t try anymore y’know?

it’s not that his feelings were invalid, i just wish he said something

and he never did

never will

that’s just how he is, stubborn as always

it sucks that this is the end of our friendship it’s all i can think about really

i’ve gotten better with coping at least, i just draw or talk to my boyfriend when i need somebody

but it still hurts, feelings gotta be felt at the end of the day

it didn’t bother me much at first since it’s his life i should just respect it

but that’s not how he feels i’m sure

i didn’t know what was worse, the fact that he left me again for someone that keeps blocking him when things get rough or the fact he accused me of never caring when i’ve seen every side of him and have supported him through thick and thin and shoot down when people bad mouth him etc.

4 years man, crazy

we had gotten over so many bumps together, but he always pulls away

i guess the final straw for him was he saw my actions as avoiding him when i got sick for a couple days and couldn’t respond or hangout or do anything, i’d just puke and lay in bed

i just don’t understand why he had to choose those days specifically to end it all

i mean he knew too i would try to explain

but it’s all just a big nothingburger now i suppose

and if he comes back, i got nothin to say to him

he can have my advice, he can have my forgiveness

but never my trust or my friendship

that’s just the way things go

i’ve come to terms that people will come and go as they please

no matter what you do or say to make them stay, most of the time they’ve made up their mind

i don’t ever wanna be in a friendship where i’ve turned into a choice/option rather than well i guess an action like a want or a desire like i’d want to hangout with someone ok i don’t need to over explain the definition you get what i mean i don’t like when people make you PICK

and he picked them instead

(edit, had to cut off a portion of this blog since it’s just kind of…sour. and i don’t want to think of it like that. i don’t want to think about the drama’s and the downs of a friendship i had with someone or what went on in it that’s just TMI, i’m just glad i was able to be friends with them yk?)

alright that’s all for tonight guys

sayonara or something cringe like that