This is bad :(

I have no one else to share my experiences with, so I decided to write here. I thought that with the onset of summer my life would get better, as always, but I lost all my friends, and I've been sitting for a whole week now, I just sit at the computer all day and that's it. 

This is my last summer before "adult life", next year I'm taking exams, and it seems to me that every day I'm getting stupider. And the fact that soon I have to decide who to go to study and how to manage my life in general kills me. I have nothing, no money, no great knowledge, no ideas about my life, not even any motivation for probably 4 months. It makes me very anxious, and any reminder that I don't have a future after 16 makes me sad. I don't see the point of living after 20 years, because for me it's just a basic life template. Born, school, college, work, kids, pension, death. AND THAT'S IT. This makes me very sad. 

Well, I also didn't have any strength after school, and I hadn't come here and written anything for a very long time... And now, in principle, I have no strength.