grief and loss

unfortunately not like the comic

Isnt grief so weird? Time moves so quickly in those moments where for u its frozen. & then people treat you like youre fragile which feels condescending but its True. You are fragile for those first few months

I think Im still in that fragility phase, except most others seemed to have moved on. And most have already forgotten 

I feel cruel and mean sometimes but i cant help it. Anything that makes me think of it I immediately shut down without sugarcoating, Unless Im the one who brought it up. Isnt that hypocritical? And it makes me feel even worse when people let it slide because im “going through something”. Its back to the fragility thing

Worst of all is when youre asked “how are you?” and its nothing more than them trying to be polite. What do you think? If I say Im fine, we both know Im lying. If Im honest in any capacity, they clearly regret asking and i just make them uncomfortable 

Maybe they deserve the discomfort for having the audacity to ask something so pointless

I dunno. I dont even know how Im feeling most of the time. Sometimes im angry at the one im grieving, isnt that screwed up? Its not their fault. but im still upset. They acted like it was okay. But it wasnt okay for me. They told me i was going to be okay and Im not. I know they were trying to make me feel better but whats the point?

Sometimes I feel numb, and thats even worse. It makes me feel like a depressed husk whos only capable of existing and breathing. It makes it feel pointless

Sometimes its overwhelming sadness. And guilt. Guilt i wasnt around more. Or didnt talk more. im told i cant dwell on that because thatll make me more miserable. I cant help it

Well. speaking of dwelling, i should head to work. Life doesnt wait for your emotions, however complicated they may be