Genetics are fucking me big time

I have really bad genetics. Not as in, I have a higher chance of getting cancer or I have a shitty immune system, those people have it way worse than me. But both of my parents and grandparents genetics have fucked me sideways in different ways.

To start off, most of my family on both sides is very tall, except for my mom. And guess what I got the short end of the stick and am stuck at 5'4 or 152.4 centimeters tall. I would have at least liked to have been 5'6-8, because them I can actually speak to my cousin who is seven years younger than me without lifting my head back and up to see his fucking face. I'm not joking, my 13 year old cousin is taller than me, a 20 year old.

Then my teeth. MY grandma on my mom's side had very bad teeth, everyone else on both sides has pretty good teeth, some didn't even need braces. But once again, I got the worst of the worst teeth. Literally there was one tooth that was stuck up in my gums, I'm missing a few adult teeth so I'm gonna have to get retainers that have fake teeth on them, and two teeth were growing in sideways. It sucks.

Then my metabolism. I've been on a journey to gain weight up to at least 130 pounds or 58 kilograms because I've been stuck at 115 pounds or 52 kilograms. I do not feel my best at 115 pounds. And the fact that I used to take blood thinners didn't help with me not feeling like I was gonna pass out. But my dad had the fastest fucking metabolism in the world. He ate all sorts of junk food and almost never gained weight, and guess who has those genes. I know the super fast metabolism is very desirable, but when you're actively trying to gain weight and be at a healthy weight, it sucks to have it.

And then celiac disease. My grandma on my mom's side and my aunt on my mom's side both have celiac disease, which is an allergy that develops over time that causes anyone who has it to feel like knives are stabbing them from the inside out whenever they eat anything with gluten in it, the active ingredient in things like bread. If you don't stop eating bread while having celiac disease, you can develop cancer later in life. Now my mom doesn't have this and my dad and none of his family had it, so I was pretty sure that I would get lucky. But no, I had to go to the doctor recently, (it cost so much more than necessary because I don't have insurance) because bread started making me ill. And guess what, I have celiac disease.

This wouldn't much of a problem if I wasn't autistic and already had a set of safe foods that I like, an almost all of them have bread involved. Some of them I have found gluten free replacements for but one meal that I loved is irreplaceable because of how gluten free bread is. The meal is French bread or a baguette dipped in broccoli and cheese soup. I don't have any bakeries in my area because it's a small town over run by big box stores. And If I were to find a gluten free loaf, it wouldn't hold up like normal bread does because gluten gives bread more strength to be dipped in soup. Gluten free bread basically dissolves in soup.

I fucking hate how I ended up with the short end of the stick when it came to my families genetics. I know there are people with even worse genetics, but these fuck ups in the gene pool have been expensive. Braces cost basically a mortgage. They are so fucking expensive that we had to ask for financial help with the braces from other more well of family members. And it's not like they could even afford to help in some cases. And gluten free stuff always costs more at the store because it takes more work to make gluten free bread, noodles and other products that usually have gluten in them. I literally spent 50 dollars at the store for 5 items all because they were gluten free so they cost more. 50 dollars for five items that I have to have because of a serious illness is bullshit.

I fucking hate this. Oh and I also found out that I'm allergic to tomato's. Apparently tomato's and their many variants aren't supposed to make your tongue and throat tingle. I can't stand the way that genetics works. And the fact that I didn't even get my wish from the beginning to be born a boy is fucking stupid. Give me something that I can enjoy.

Sorry for the rant. I know that I preach body positivity and encourage people to love themselves, but I have to admit, there are some things out of our control that we can't change that I know many people wish they could change. Genetics is unchangeable as far as i know. And I know that there are things that everybody wishes they could change that they can't. Hight, hair color, eye color, and even face shape are things we can't control about ourselves unless we're willing to shell out thousands of dollars, whether it be through surgeries, or going to the salon regularly.

Learning to love yourself is a lot harder than most people think. Have a good day everyone, just wanted to be a little vulnerable with my genetic insicurities for soem reason.