You'll be dancing once again and the pain will end, you will have no time for grieving/Diary Jun 6 2026

"And the darkest hour is just before dawn"

There is so much pain. Every day since quite a while I want to stay in my room and do nothing at all. I am struggling intensely with identity. I know my face is pretty and my body is okay but nothing feels mine, it rejects itself, ignites and implodes from the inside out and there's nothing I can do about it. I can't escape anymore. I can only feel it radiate everywhere. But I see the light on water and between the trees and I notice that there is still beauty. And I know there is so much pain but there is also beauty, and people I love and people that matter, things I love, things I look forward to, songs.

And amidst all of this I lay, close my eyes and wonder

 What will be How will things change this time What will happen with me Is this all I'll ever be...  How cold will the water be next time I swim in a lake

 Skull emoji shaped rock 💀