hey freaks HAIIIIII

sooooo ik I haven't been active on here I knowwwww I've been busy n stuff doing uhhh stuff yk? I promise I'll post more sigh especially with more to talk about since I'm not just goonin around going to school n shit. to start UPDATE.. I'm GOINGGGGGg did I mention it's Florida?? promise I'm not just some tourist I used to live there <//3 left my sister behind so now I get to see her every summer but tell me WHY THE FUCK MY MOM AND BROTHER ARE COMING.. its a whole thing I gotta get into omg

so it all started with a trip to the state above us I think I already talked about? if not then basically me and my mom were supposed to go together but she wanted to go when my boyfriend would be coming over and I asked about moving it and she agreed but then the day came that my bf was supposed to come over and she was still tryna do the plans and I was confused cuz we had this whole ass discussion DAYS ago DIRECTLY in front of my bf. so she ends up going without me and blaming it on me "switching up" as if she didn't change the whole as plan last minute like do I have to fucking RSVP?? she took my brother and they spent a shit ton of money and ate a shit ton of snacks, saw waterfalls, had fun n shit and my brother made sure to show me pictures and lug around the big ass bin of snacks he had and I got nothing, not even a damn souvenir, not even a goddamn river rock dude. and since then its been like that, she went with him AGAIN on one of the days my bf comes over, and theyve been constantly going out doing shit, and recently its gotten to a fucking point. I find out that not only is my mom gonna stay in Florida for a few days, but my brother has to come too, and I found out last minute and when I asked she was like "what's so wrong with that, he was invited" and I said "why is it that you and him can go do things but it can never just be me and you" and she acted all offended. then when we were going to dollar tree (which I basically begged for and she'd put off for a week, mind you we only even went because my brother was getting ice cream and shit from Walmart when all is ever asked for was a thing of nail polish for ONE DOLLAR.) we were in the parking lot and my mom was making a big ass deal out of her giving me three dollars (huge sum ik) and I brought up how my brothers literally getting more than that AND an entire tub of ice cream to himself, she said "well that's because he gets money from helping me door dash, you don't help me" and I said "because you never ASK, you never INVITE ME, you never try to INCLUDE ME, why do I always have to be the one to squeeze my way into your plans?" and she tried arguing that when she'd asked (that ONE time mind you) I was busy with my bf, which DUH? I have TWO days out of the entire week that he can actually come over so yeah if you wanna always do shit on those days imma probably say no?? and I don't WANT to always do shit with my brother, is it odd that I want time with ME and my MOM?? and she literally just started guilting me like "I guess I'm just a horrible mother huh I'm just terrible Rhys, Right?" like yeah I guess fucking so cuz while I'm sitting here eating peanut butter sandwiches on hotdog buns you're taking your fatass fucking tumbleweed built body ass son to get entire boxes of taquitos to himself for fucking what? he's 12 and has the biggest gullet I've ever seen on a person he's literally shaped like a lanky limbed Humpty Dumpty, like an unfortunately proportioned seal. and yet HE needs more food. she deadass complains about his greedy ass eating all the food but gets him more DONT make me mad. and he literally is such an ass kisser now too omfg. its PISSING me off that now I'll have to listen to fucking Eminem loud as shit with his seasoned beef stinking ass fumigating the car with his noise pollution to match it I'm so damn IRKED RN.

anywho, turns out we'll have to move into government housing in another county because we're so broke, my mom hasn't had a job in literal months because her snowbunny bird brained ass really thought that man would do shit for her to the point it literally sabatoged her career so bad shes having to get extra schooling for better qualifications yikes.. sooo there's that but hey its all good, new room layout!! and I get to be driven to and from school PLUS early release PLUS bf can come over every Friday PLUS senior year PLUS awesome vacation PLUS no psycho crazy ass man knowing where we live!!!

another thing about vacation is like,, we're supposed to be seeing my stepdad and my GMA (from his side) while I'm down there... this is literally the situation I've been imagining for like years now.. minus the step brother, I'm scared he'll be there. awkward. I do miss my stepdad though, scared I'll cry cuz just imagining his face and all those memories gets me worked up 

anywhom I did some diys, shirts, necklace charm things, thinking of doing some bracelets too, I'm kinda full of boundless motivation rn cuz I've been sleeping restlessly lately and idk why so I lowkey just didn't sleep at all, I have a lot to do  n stuff  but I'm really tiredddddughhh..

quick lil AITA thing, soooo my bf brought up recently him feeling not so great about living n stuff yk? and then some time after that he tells me he told this girl before me (which immediately got me like oh?? imean thats his friend so yk I don't care much I suppose) but I made a lil joke and he said he was just scared to tell me about it but couldn't tell me why he was scared and I was worried I made him feel a cartain way or something last time he did. so later we were having a whole deal about me going on vacation and every time this topic is brought up its always "I'm gonna be so lonely I don't have anyone else so I'll just be sleeping n sad n stuff" I tell him to talk to his friends but his go to response is literally just "I have no friends, just you" so this time I brought up the girl he told (we go to the same school, they commonly talk, and he asked me if I'd hang out with them before so duh I assumed they were friends) but he says "shes a stranger". hello? this puzzled me, and maybe against kinder judgement I said "you'd confide in a stranger before me?" cuz HELLO? the minute those things connected in my head I just said it cuz I felt bad that he was "scared" of telling me in the first place but then to know that he sees her as a stranger but would rather tell HER?? I'm bad about having a filter yk I see it from his side but I also don't regret saying it cuz if I told my sister I wanted to dice my shi before him and then mentioned it to him he'd be absolutely fucking fuming. I really wasn't even mad I was fucking flabbergasted cuz he's always acting like he has no one to talk to and no one cared about him but he's calling this girl a stranger.. not even an associate, am I deadass being unreasonable here pls help 

omfg and I'm so sick of him harping on the vacation shit I already feel scared (about life stuff) and guilty being away from him but he says shit to make me feel worse then goes "It doesn't matterrrr I'll be fine" and (very) recently he said he realizes he hasn't been acting the best about it but I already feel bad and I'm worried while I'm down there he'll just be texting up a storm about his loneliness, I'm deadass scared if I send him pictures he'll get so upset he just decides to break up or something, that's mostly just overthinking but yk..

sigh guess I'll stop yapping about  so tired