Happy birthday

I remember when it was my 12th birthday, and my mom, baby sister, and I were celebrating alone in our house. The lights were turned off and the cake was there. My mom spoke to me very silently. I was on the verge of crying because I felt bad for my mom. But I continued to smile and laugh at whatever would keep me from bursting out into tears.

I sometimes don’t understand, because why would I cry for someone on my birthday?

Maybe it was because I was there receiving gifts and money, while feeling like a burden to my mom who can’t live a day without work.

But still, I resent her in a way. I don’t know why. It feels like I hate her and whenever I try to tell myself to stay kind, I can’t for a long time. I feel ashamed…