4DD1CTI0N AND S3LF H4TR1SM

You can be addicted to many things in life. Drugs, alcohol, smoking, your phone or videogames. Escapism as a whole is addiction. When you live in such a rotten world it's hard to live without escapism. Addiction sounds so bad but have you ever considered that addiction can exist in any possible form?                         

How do you feel on a daily basis? Do you actively try to make bad feelings go away? Or would you rather sit with your thoughts. Letting the dark thoughts drift you away into some sad abyss. That's okay, sometimes it's nice to let yourself sink away into despair. I think we all need a way to escape. I kind of hate it sometimes when people tell you to quit doing something or to quit acting or thinking a certain way. It makes you feel even less understood. As someone who has dealt with alot of bad things in life, i can tell you how nice it is to have someone understand and agree with you. The world fucking sucks and we need to escape. Go somewhere else, to a different planet. I find more comfort in someone supporting me in however i choose to deal with my struggles rather than having someone making me feel that what i do is wrong. But why?

         
"Because people really care about you." Is what everybody always says. But do they really? I understand it... alcoholism, smoking, these are all things that actively destroy your body over time. But living in a world like this isn't any better. The hope for a good future for us outcasts is being stomped on by the rich and powerfull as we speak. Everyday real hope gets harder to find. Personally, i have dealt with alot of self hatred and i still do. I find it almost cruel how someone can tell me "I love and care for you Grave!" expecting me to be happy to hear it. How can i be happy when i simply cannot even begin to comprehend the fact someone could EVER love me? It's torture to hear what good things others believe about you, only to ever think of them as lies. It will never feel true to you. Sometimes, the thought of living in a world where everyone hates me as much as i hate myself makes me feel happy. Where everyone shares the same thoughts i do. It almost sounds like a happy dream!  

Becoming addicted to negativity in that way is very easy. You start to feel uneasy whenever people are nice to you. It feels unreal. Like, some kind of fucked up cult of hatrism (I like how that sounds) Where everybody just hates themselves, they truly believe they are the worst. Craving a constant validation for their thoughts of worthlessness and unworthiness. An echo chamber where everyone agrees they are nothing to this world. This of course is not the same as smoking or anything actively harmfull to your body, though it can be if you take it far enough....Sorry, I just think that being addicted and surrounded by people who tell you to stop, can feel more harmfull than helpfull. I feel like people with these issues have a hard time sticking around good friendgroups. The need to start drama and fight is always there. Baiting people into validating your negativity even if they don't want to be mean to you. You expect people to treat you badly and when that doesn't happen you get angry and confused. I want everyone who is struggling out there to know that this is a safehaven for your thoughts. Share them if you want to and i'll be here to listen to your prayers. 

                                        💕BL3SS Y0UR R0TT3N S0UL💕