Bonding

06/04/09

10:56 pm

My mom called me at around eight, telling me to come join her in the old bedroom we used to share together. She was probably lonely considering that she'll have to keep herself company because my baby brother and father is in Cebu right now. I looked at her and realised that she was my mom, if that makes sense. I don't know I guess it hasn't clicked for a long while now that she is, and the reason for that is probably because our interactions were rare. You know the ones where you guys actually talk.

She carried the conversation for the most part, pretty common topics. My future, her past. I like seeing her laugh. I don't like seeing her age. I want to get close to her. I want to keep my distance. I want to stay with her until she leaves this world. I don't want to be with her. I really, really love her.

There's a lot I still want to say, but I want to commemorate this moment we had together. Because I know that we're closer to the end than we were at the beginning. I'll always be her baby. And she'll always be my mama. I love you Mama Susan. Im so proud to be your daughter. I'm sorry I've been failing a lot. Im sorry for constantly making you worry. I'm sorry mama. I'm so sorry for all I did to hurt you. And I'm sorry that I could never bring myself to apologise to you and instead I'm writing this. A feeble attempt for consolation.

You wanted, and still want to be a writer. Me too. You no longer remember your favourite movie. You used to date a guy for the sake of getting a boyfriend because everybody else seemed to have one. You were pampered a lot. You're a breadwinner. You applied for bands and almost went to Japan. You used to own a camera. There's still more I need to know about you. Please talk to me more. Lord, please tell time to move slowly. Please give me more time with her. Please give me the courage to tell her how much I adore her. How much I appreciate her. How proud and blessed I am to be called her daughter. Mama, my beautiful mama. I love you mama. And because I love you, I cry for you. For all the things you wanted to do but never did. And why you chose to stay because we're still here. Mama please stay with me longer. Mama don't go yet. I lied. I don't want to grow up. I don't wanna leave you. I hope you also feel the same. That you don't want to leave me too. Mama I miss you already. I miss you so much. Please hold me again. Please cradle me in your arms one more time. I'll always be a baby in your eyes. Oh my sweet mama. I'm so afraid.