memories - god - possession

memories   

  they exist only in memory. places so important., the noises, smells, textures, temperatures and perspective. all ingrained in my brain, and now it is their only place of existence. even if it were possible to somehow go back, i wouldnt see the same. smell the same, hear the same things. greeness washed out from my eyesight, now i can reach the balcony window. clinging onto the things i’ll never be able to have ever again; but the problem isn’t attachment, it’s change. the environment has changed, the objects, the buildings and roads. my memories are sweetened and false, constructed by my brain and reconstructed each time it generates an image for me to see: not to be trusted. the truth is gone, long before i could witness it. yet the same brain that reconstructs those memories is the same one that misses the “reality” of them. the same one that keeps bringing me back to it. i can’t stop thinking about it, if i forget, they’ll no longer exist! but they aren’t mine and never were, i was the passing presence and not them. in my brain, they are forever empty, alone and quiet. i can retrace each step of that territory. i can imagine the creaking of the wood. the paint peeling off the walls and mold creeping on me in the shower. the bath i never got to see. they all knew me. they saw me like no one else. i can’t forget, i’m no traitor 

god

God hates being worshipped and punishes creatures for doing so. an omnipresent god, capable of anything at its whim, creates things to entertain itself. an infinite amount of things, as infinite as it’s own life. it’s easy, effortless, for god itself it means nothing. but the creatures it made start thinking that they matter, that they’re capable of something. and they worship their creator endlessly! building things in its name: praying, devoting themselves, killing their own kin, going to war, murdering, all in gods name. Did god want any of that? did it even want to be known by its creations? it was just playing with dolls. but now that humans do know, they just can’t stop. for a most part of their existence they scream about god. How demeaning must it be, to be praised by your own property for something that you require no effort to make. being assigned responsibility for unimportant events, being assumed to CARE! it is Insulting for a GOD to be insinuated to be constantly near ONE of its creatures! does god not have anything better to do? does god seem that bored to you? God is insulted, annoyed and grated. it punishes people to push them away, anything to make them stop believing those damned books. natural disasters, illness, violence and Death. all to make those fragile things to stop Praising God. it fails, they’re too desperate to stop now. 

possession 

i latch onto an unsuspecting person every once in a while. i’m not caring, not intense, not too passionate. but this weird need of control creeps on me. it’s frustrating in multiple ways. on one hand, why am i obssesed with a regular, unimportant, not even good person? the same person that never interested me, the same one that doesn’t deserve anything. on the other, if everyone worships me so much, why can’t they give up their human dignity. you say you hate it, anyway, so why not let me own you. “i want you” i say , and they misunderstand. want what, to dominate? to penetrate? to embrace? no, i want to have you. i want to know more than their actions, i want to know why do them. i want to hear their thoughts and read their location. i want to own. but it’ll pass and i’ll move on, the person will remain unsuspecting. Dumb, dumb they are.