i'm such a bitch

for being too reckless and not having empathy for people, cruel like what i thought was right i couldn't feel what others felt, in their hardest moment everytime i tried to help others, it always ends in the worst possible ways wether its "i don't want to talk to you anymore" or "go fuck yourself" i felt numb and number for each time even after numerous rejection it felt like i had no more of myself, im empty like a shell thrown in the ocean people say that i give them mixed feelings knowing that, i realize i was just giving them a short span of careness that was a bitch move i thought being nonchalant was cool my friends are all being nonchalant why cant i? isn't that what nonchalant is? well it doesn't matter when i'm alone now where i could solve my peace whille dissolving my thought into pieces like the sugar cube thats left on an untouched spoon