i'm different than others (not in a cool way)

Everytime i look to myself in the mirror, i just can't help to think of why am i like this. It's hard to love yourself or atleast i can't, i couldn't feel my own feelings anymore, it felt like i was stuck without a path to choose and i didn't like it. But why bother changing when you can be just fine with this life? i changed but that doesn't remove the fact that i'm still hollow inside all the past thoughts of mine floated away from my brain which i let it pass, i still don't have the capability of being well mentally but i'm aware that i'm rotting, i didn't bother changing this self because i couldn't even help myself ,i hate myself, i'm anxious about other people judging me because of their stares that i couldn't even stare back at, it always feels anxious about being different in a place where i am lonely, no one to trust yourself to.