What the hell happened? (for Zee + Xye)

i wish there was a poetic way i could write this, but there really isnt. 

My mom found my discord, the new email address i had, our messages, along with other shit.

we didnt talk for a couple of days, until i forgot to tell her she needed to pick me up from somewhere.

when she finally got me, she was screaming at me. she was sobbing. She threatened to crash the car with both of us in it. 

she was really hurt, and i didnt really know what to do. ive never stopped thinking about you guys since then. 

For a while, i decided that i wouldnt try really contacting you guys for a bit. 

But it scares me to think that we might grow into different people than how we know each other as. 

dont get me wrong, if you guys changed, i wouldnt really mind. i would still love you guys. But its hard to think about falling apart.

I think that this is the most stable way i can contact you guys, but i dont believe i will be doing it as often as i used to.

i love you guys infinately mroe than my mom, but she's got a lot going on, so ill just hurt her in small increments instead of running her over with a semi truck of my own sin.

How it's been going

I broke up with my girlfriend early in march. im graduating middle school soon which is insane cuz i was just starting when i met u guys. me and my mom have been fine recently.

I'm fine now, ive learned to manage my depression alot better, but i still have my days.

a huge difference tho is that now i have someone who supports me.

ill tell you guys more about her in the future, but she really does make me feel like i am wanted. she gives me TONS of gifts too.

Recently, my hyperfixation for mha has been getting wayy crazier like my shelf is genuinely filled to the BRIM with funko pops. im living my best cringe life.

Ive finally found my name! its not casper, or pocoyo or VION

My name is Cael

(Cah-El)

it doesnt feel white washed or like im stealing another japanese name, and it feels like its right.

this could be another phase tho.

but for now i really like it.

summer break is coming soon, and during it i plan on starting a youtubebb channelellll

its gonna be monitored by my mom, so i cant be fully deranged on there but hopefully it gives us a way to feel like we're still as easily accsesable as we were.

anyways, i missed your birthday and i didnt get to greet you. HAPPY BIRTHHDAYAYYAYY iill make a super late seperate post

(i still cant remember if its on the 12th or 15th)

Speaking of birthdays, its gonna be mine soon, and ill officially be the same age you were when i met you at 10/11 yrs old. thats lowkirkenuinley insane.

anyway, i love you guys, more than i could ever say or show. i miss you guys. i love you. alot. ill talk to you guys soon. i cant wait