bonus blogs: finally changed my pfp, forgot 2 eat (lol), my annoying hair, working on speaking while thinking, & stepped outside by myself! xp

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31 may: finally changed my pfp :p

havent rly used a selfie as my main photo anywhere on yearsss, but the past 1-2 yrs ive started being more comfortable & happy with how i look again, and having a photo section on my profile has been fun to share, so I think im finally ready! wasnt sure which pic from this day (a month ago) to choose, i got new clothes/accessories so ye :) couldve chosen 1 with me smiling more but im not used to showing my teeth so hopefully this ones fine. still a lil nervous about it tho xP

im also not rly used to posting short random stuff so ig im tryna get myself out there a little hehe

(later made a cassette inspired edit lol c:

1 june: forgot 2 eat (lol)

also just realised i havent rly eaten anything in 36 hours without even realising lmao (besides some biscuits), far from the first time probably tho, plus i only have 1 meal a day usually anyway. had been regularly going to sleep & waking up at decent times from monday til saturday when i had to relapse and stay up all night, longest ive had a good sleep schedule in a while lol. had hungry jacks at 9-10pm on saturday (they didnt have veggie burger available tho ._.) and so sunday yesterday i went to bed at 12 midday and woke up at 9-10pm, missed dinner and continued playing the Wii with my sis (we're replaying Lego Pirates of the Caribbean for the first time in 5-10 years! already up to the last movie and are at 39% total progress, finishing story mode before fully completing the game). 

i said i'd prob just have a noodle cup later but we left the lounge at 11pm which is early for us and i forgot and went back to listening to R Missing, no lie have had them on repeat for the past 3+ days since first discovering them. was gonna nap at 3am but just got preoccupied with stuff ig and also making the pfp edit and suddenly its 5am then 8am, decided im finally gonna go sleep even tho im still not that tired, and just now at 9:30am realising i havent eaten xd so i thought id heat them noodles rq, being so 'late' in the day now will see if i decide to stay up allday instead perhaps, luckily i dont have to go out until thursday :p

my annoying hair

btw i gotta say this man im kinda tired of how my hair works i just dont understandd, like i am fine about it but why does my hair start looking good when its time to wash it dude?? it stays thick & poofy for 3+ days after washing it and finally once its looking more presentable i basically have to shower within those next 2 days bc of my dandruff, and its so contradictory like my scalp is dry so i use the shampoo for it but then my hair stays super dry for the first few days even with a separate conditioner, and once my hair is nicer my scalp is oily. im not even gonna talk about how annoying my hair is for the first day. its smth ive always dealt with idk if itll ever go away. i used to be able to handle this better when my hair wasnt as long so i could just wear a beanie for 1-2 days and itd be perfect, but being so long now that isnt quite as effective anymore (still better than nothing). i wish i knew someone irl who knew about hair products etc to help me out bc idek anything about hair creams/serums/spray. maybe if i stopped procrastinating and didnt hate learning details and trial+erroring id already have it figured out lol. again im fine with my hair its not that bad i just get a lil jealous when i compare it to some other ppl. atleast straightening it esp on the first day stops it from being so irritating and usually makes it flatter

working on speaking whilst thinking

uuh anyway back on a good note smth else i have been working on is trying to speak as I think more, or like as in saying my thoughts before ive finalised a thought or sentence in my head. I can be very reserved where I have to think over and perfect what I wanna say and come across the right way, so I'm tryna get more used to being like 'im not sure yet but.. or it's not something I've thought much about but' type stuff, and not in an anxious way either. some vid i saw a while back said how most natural speakers are just better at it bc they're better at recovering than ppl like me who'd prob just sit awkwardly in silence when smth like that happens, whereas those ppl can be like 'omg sorry I completely spaced out / forgot what we was saying' or whatnot and pick back up the conversation from there,, maybe it's obvious or common sense idk but its def made me start looking at conversations with a dif perspective a little bit, like I don't need to be perfect most ppl aren't expecting a fully thought out sentence for every single question. 

when I was younger my dad would comment on how I take awhile to respond, or be like woah when I did react faster than usual, which kinda got to a point where sometimes when asked a question I'd be so focused on replying fast that I didn't even have time to process the answer at all. so when I got to highschool (the most stressful place & period of time ever) where I was already immediately masking within the first 1-2 weeks, I'd often push myself to respond fast which honestly later lead to friendships dying out bc of some topics I couldn't be fully honest with, not bc I was lying but bc I didn't give myself enough time to actually think about things and be honest with myself even. maybe this is the reason I take 10 years to reply to texts/comments :x. but now that I've had all this time to myself and years of isolation and relearning things and getting back out there, I can now both be easier on myself while also finding ways to be more natural at speaking. even if often sometimes I do still get too shy to open up, at least when I'm with someone 1on1 or smth I can be comfortable enough to practice these things c:

idk if I took 'think before you speak' way too seriously as a kid or if I rly am just naturally slower at thinking/processing information, but late 2024 / early 25 when I finally got diagnosed with severe social anxiety the dr also put down smth like 'below average cognitive speed' and I still think that's the funniest thing the way it's worded lmao. it was just a 1 time 10-30 minute session with a dr I never met before, and a week later my Nanna with the same dr said he left bruh this is why I never go to the doctor clinic and why I don't have a gp anytime a workplace or smth asks for their name it's bc everyone always leaves lol. I still miss my gp from when I was 14-15 he was into illenium and stuff it was cool like he felt like a friend (ignoring the time he asked about my nails and said I should cut them to avoid teasing that's never existed, one of my old friends in grade 5 did used to call me catboy tho xD)

stepped outside by myself! (& also met a lil guy xp)

lastly another little win,, the other day I got up and got notified that a package had arrived, and no one else was home so I had to go outside by myself to find it. it kinda embarrassing lol but I get so anxious stepping out by myself, but this day I was up for trying it,, I had to circle around the room a few times before opening the front door, and once I did open it I had to just peek from the door for a bit and hid whenever I heard cars, but after some more minutes I finally did it! I js walked around each side of the house for about 20secs but couldn't find it and went back inside. once mum got home she saw it in the letterbox and ooohh I ain't stepping that far away from the door lmao, not by myself atleast (yet). so yay haha. 

omg some other day there was also a little blue tongue lizard that snuck into the kitchen and it was too cuute C:

anywayz sorry for ramblingg.. guess im staying up bc its 3pm now lul

happy pride month !