Coping.

guess who's back to post more writing ... news flash its me. hope you enjoy thank you.

i inhale a sweet , sickening flavour into my mouth . it sits on my tongue , burning the back of my throat , before vapour makes it's hasty exit through my mouth , clouding in the air before me .

i sort of wonder , is it something i enjoy ? not exactly . i often find myself quite disgusted by it . a habit i could rid myself of , if i truly willed myself to . oh , how i lie to myself about that .

" i can smell you ," i'm told as i sit beside my friend , resuming my work after a brief , momentary break . she only jokes , but i know well enough there's truth to her words . 

am i ashamed ? well , that's a question i won't answer . i just frankly feel trapped . what difference would another trap such as this make ?

the intensity of what i feel each day is something so puzzling to even myself , that i don't even begin to explain it to others . i'm sat on a lid that threatens to boil over at any minute . i lack control over the emotions that swirl within my mind , and my body , that perhaps a trap such as this is perfect for it . 

my mouth is sweet and dry . i am sickened by it . planting my feet on the floor , i enter the bathoom in the dead of night , mouthfuls of water swallowed to rinse that horrid taste out of my mouth . 

but it lingers . the pressure of such a habit will forever linger . no matter how much time has passed since you abandoned it . 

i'm so very sorry . i am , in fact , so very ashamed.