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Im a bl fan myself and i've been pondering for a while now on why am i so addicted to two men kissing and making out. A friend of mine told me that it was probably because they're both male, and male + male = would make a horny women more h#rny than she already was. (No im just kidding she didn't say all that) but you get the idea...
And i kinda don't agree to that? cause if i really am just a h#rny woman then i could've just watch p#rn right? But no... I've realized that it's not just for fetishization.
There's just something with consuming bl media that's just beautiful. Like how they're able to share their vulnerabilities despite the world's stereotypical expectations of men being strong and capable, how they fought for their love despite the antagonistic religious/cultural views of them. There's just something so beautiful on how they can withstand all the criticism the world throws on them.
They're a living proof that love is stonger than any hatred the world could give. Maybe that's my why.
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Kachow (Onomatopoeia)
To add on to your point and the other commentator's point, generally bl has gender roles being deconstructed instead of exemplified. Like there are tons of het romances where the man is the provider and the women exists to look pretty and cook without any exploration of how society tells them to be that way or even why the characters would want that in the first place. Most of the time BL doesn't fall into these roles and can explore a relationship without archetypes. For the fetishizing point your friend made there are definitely some that do but I've never met a bl enjoyer who exclusively reads smut so I would say they're a loud minority of bl consumers.
LuciLucilia
Generally studies actually suggest that cis women don't find two men having sex necessarily any more arousing than most any other group having sex in the same way that cis men often *do* find two women having sex more arousing. So the idea that BL lovers are just fetishizing does not appear to be grounded in any reality.
I haven't ever sat down and read the paper, but I know a popular academic theory for why a lot of women often gravitate towards BL is actually simply because it's devoid of any women intimately involved in the romantic-sexual relationships of the story, thus providing a safe space for women to experience and see romantic-sexual relationships without the same self-inserting that makes them vulnerable to the ways that men abuse and treat women within a Patriarchal society.