about myself recently

About two months ago I started feeling a certain way.

I no longer felt like I wanted to respond to my closest friends. I didn't want to complete my classwork, or check out any of my favorite areas or stores. I left my friendgroup chats and felt ashamed of it.. I didnt know if I wanted to explain it to anyone.. and they were concerned.. I just felt too scared to confess why I was doing the things I was doing. I strangely didn,t mind talking to new people. Maybe I just want to move on from my past. idk

After a few weeks, I told my closest friends — as well articulated as I could— how I felt.. and l I started feeling a little better. I was talking a bit more and posting some stories, I even asked to get added back to a groupchat and joined a new one. I've been having fun

I felt so ready, but I still feel so estranged. I want to get away. I regret telling them I felt better. Because now I feel the same as last month. I don't want to respond to my friends. I don't want to play games again, and I don't want to eat my favorite foods.. I feel so depressed again. and I hate it. I'm jealous

I was invited to my school friends graduation a while ago.. and I was set on going but now, I just don't feel up to it. Or the party she wanted to throw.

It's my first time posting like this and I feel like a geek but I don't feel like telling anyone in specific about it...